You drive me crazy || Obsessed!Donnie x Reader

Chapter Fifteen

Tw: mentions of weed, drug use, self harm and in general.
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Porpol's pov

It's been a few days since I had that crying session with Y/n. It was nice. It's February 23rd.

Remember that left over weed I had? I ended up going ahead and buying different things. No one knows.

And here is my current situation, I'm in a hoodie and some grey sweatpants I picked up from the trash to take off as soon as I get in the sewers, smoking my third blunt of the night.

It was a bad habit, but kept my mind off Y/n. They were still distant but we cuddled. I keep telling myself; 'I'll quit once they become better.' But every passing day I crave these things more.

Breathing out the smoke from the blunt, I take a deep breath. It was a good coping mechanism for different things, but my lungs were saying otherwise.

I only did this once maybe twice every month. I've been doing it for two months now, I've had it like 5 times this month.

They felt so good. Breathing out the little smoke left from the blunt, finishing it.

I felt so fucking horny every time I hit them though. So I just stay outside on top of the rooftops until it wears off. I lay down on the roof, staring up at the sky.

I didn't do this often, but it was nice. I'll hop in the shower as soon as I go back, not wanting to smell like I just did drugs of course.

The stars weren't that visible due to light pollution, but the moon and the clouds were pretty. Not as pretty as Y/n, couldn't even compare. Chuckle.

I laid there for some time, I don't remember how long. I jump down the buildings side, going under the nearest man hole.

I get out of the clothes immediately, folding and putting them behind some trash.

I walk over to the lair, upon entering I head to the bathroom to shower.

Or at least I tried to, until I saw Raph sitting on the couch.

He hadn't noticed me walking in, but he was definitely waiting for me to come back. The shower would divert his attention to me, notifying him I was back. That sounds much better than facing him than smelling like this.

I rush for the bathroom, he doesn't hear me. I take off my battle shell and I get in the shower, immediately washing my body with scented soap. It felt weird, and smelled weird, but it was better than being caught.

I got out, wrapping a towel around myself as I hear knocks on the door. Knowing it's Raph from how the knocks were heavy, I open the door.

"Where have you been?! I was so worried! This happened last month too, where are you disappearing to?!!" He loudly said, tears in his eyes.

Fuck, I messed up again didn't I?

"I.. I can't explain Raph. It's personal." I coughed out, feeling bad.

"Donnie, I told you to tell me before you went out! This is the second time damn it!"

He was mad. Now I've really done it, huh?

"I am so done with you not telling me when you go out! You either go out with someone, or not at all! You will do this till you regain my trust!" He yelled.

I had broken his trust?

"Sorry..." I sighed, looking down on the floor to avoid his gaze.

"It's not okay." He huffed, before going to his bedroom.

Realization hit me.

He was.. scared. Scared for my sorry ass after that Big Mama fiasco.

I wish I hadn't done anything. Would I be able to make a time machine? To the time before we met Y/n, pretend I was coming down with some sickness so I never met them.

But no.. they weren't the problem.

The problem was me. My drugs, the murder I committed, my obsession, me. I was the problem.

I ruined everything, for everyone, didn't I?

I walked back to my room. Y/n was back at their place. I sigh as I put on my signature purple hoodie, and some sweatpants. Burying myself under covers, wishing I'd fall asleep never wake up.

Yeah, Y/n liked me back. That's great. But not the happy ending I wanted. I don't want to be a problem to the people around me.

I get up and head to the bathroom. Rummaging through the drawers we had, we had to have at least one sharp thing here.

We didn't, so I head to my lab.

I had lots of metal things there, both dull and sharp. I found a little knife I've used twice, mostly to open parts that couldn't be done with other tools.

I grab it, heading to a dark corner and sitting on the floor.

I rolled up my sweatpants, not wanting to do it on my arms.

Was I really going to do this? I just hope to the gods above I don't like it.

I press the blade down on the front of my leg, dragging it off my skin as it made a small cut.

A small churr left my throat... seriously?

I broke my promise to myself.

I made a promise, to myself?

I felt nauseous, as if I confessed to Y/n all over again.

Y/n.

Would they want me to do this? It felt.. nice.

They wouldn't, so I decided I'd stop after this.

The pain felt nice, too nice.

I left a few other small cuts before cleaning up some of the blood on my leg and the blade, then rolling down my sweatpants.

I got up and left for my bed. My leg stung, but it felt nice. It was letting go off all my worries, both mental and emotional, via physical ways.

I got under my covers, hoping I'd sleep for a long time and they'd accidentally cremate me.

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Here comes the angst!!!!-!1! It might get wrose but whatever

(28/1/2023)
(1019 words total)