GRIDLOCK - Lando Norris [BOOK 1]

19

I make it back down to the waiting area, but I can't bring myself to leave.

I pull out my phone and even though my finger hovers over Johan's name, it settles upon Charles.

He answers almost immediately.

"Evelyn?" He sounds relieved.

"Charles" I stutter as my tears spill over.

"Oh, babes" he coos. "It's okay, where are you?"

I chuckle almost at myself "England" I announce, showing the frustration I know he will feel too.

I can hear him exhale through the speaker, but I can sense he understands. "How is he?"

I forget outside of all of this, their friends. "Yeah, he's alright. He's having therapy this afternoon"

"Evelyn?" He interjects.

"Yeah"

"Are you okay?"

"No" I answer truthfully.

"But you will be?" He knows me too well.

"Yeah"

I can hear the team announcements coming through the speaker in the background and I know he's got to go.

"Ev, I've..." I can tell he's hesitant and I love him for it.

"I know, I'll talk to you soon" I try and cheer up for his sake. He's always saving me.

"Ev, come back here" he suggests.

"I'll see you soon" I wipe a tear and hang up from him.

I rest my head against the back of the chair and close my eyes. I've been in the country for just over an hour and I feel like I have to leave already. What a waste of a trip.

I really am sorry, Evelyn. I know the goal was to not hurt you, but I fear that I did anyway. I wish you all the best and I hope one day you can forgive me for what I did - Lando

I read his message through tear filled eyes, but I'm overcome with anger. I let him say his peace, but he hasn't let me say mine.

With the small amount of courage I have fuelling me, I make my way back towards Lando's room.

As I approach the door, I slightly second guess my decision, but taking Zak's advice, I'm keeping this away from the track and right now, he's not a Formula One driver and I'm not Max Verstappen's sister.

I knock twice but make myself seen instantly.

"Sorry, I just, I just needed to say something" I announce as I walk in.

He looks taken back to see me, but not angry or weirded out.

"Yeah, I just sent you a message" he stumbles holding his phone up to view, our messages still open on his screen.

"Yeah, I got it" I hold mine up to show our screens are the same.

He nods in understanding.

"I want to believe you didn't mean to hurt me, I really want to believe that, but at what point did you decide you were done playing? Was it before or after you took my virginity?"

I let it slip out without thought and it's taken us both my surprise.

"What?" He looks mortified. "Evelyn, you, what?" He stutters.

I can't make eye contact with him, it's too embarrassing and painful.

"Evelyn, I, I didn't know" and to be fair, how would he?

"I know, I just, I just want to know when you figured it out?" I'm staring at the floor because I'm afraid his face will tell me a lie.

"I had an idea when we were on the hill the second time in the Netherlands, and I knew for certain when I came to your hotel room after being out with Sophia"

The confession I didn't want.

"That was... before" I can't even bring myself to say it.

"I know" his breath is laboured. "But I guess I just, I got caught up with it all"

"You told me to tell you that you didn't deserve me" my eyes clench closed remembering that moment I trusted him completely at the very moment he was struggling with deceiving me.

"I didn't deserve you" he agrees.

"And yet you had me" I fired back, this time being able to make eye contact with him.

So I continue, "you knew I liked you, I can understand the reasoning behind using me to your benefit, but when you saw me falling, and there was no intent to catch, why'd you let me hit the pavement anyway?"

He breaks the eye contact. 

"I had the disadvantage of crushing over you for months before.." I motion between us, not knowing what to call it, "this, and I take back What I said when I told you that you were falling for me too, I know that was just, insane, but you cared" I make him look at me. "You cared" I shrug because that much I believe to be true.

"I did, I do" he corrects himself, catching my eye and for a moment we are silent and let all that's been said settle between us.

"I really fucked my self up getting attached to you" I say, shifting my weight from side to side.

"I'm sorry"

And with that I'm taken back to the hill where I asked him why it had to be him and he apologised as well. It's like he was preparing me for this the entire time.

"I wish, I wish it could have been different. I really do. But, I guess, it's done." I hate the way it comes out. I hate the way it sounds.

"I'm sorry" he repeats again, as if it's the only thing he can do now.

I shrug and give a breathily chuckle "I'm not"

And I think I've said my peace now. I feel a little more composed. I make my way over swiftly toward him, placing a delicate kiss to the top of his head, noticing a tear drop residing underneath my contact from my eye.

"Keep in touch with your recovery okay, I really do want to see you back on track" I ask as I turn to leave.

"I will miss you" he stabs.

"But you chose this" I fire back and make my way out of the room, our goodbyes settled.