Fiance and I have been dashing for 2 days to try to save money. We moved in with my mom to try get out of a bad situation. And I cannot be more miserable the first day was ok. But it's been getting worse by the day since. My mother and I have always had issues. It still to this day just doesn't seem like I'm good enough for anyone. All I cam remember from my child what had the most impact from it was being told I was doing something wrong or not good enough on what seemed like a mutiple times a day basis. And it seems like thats what it's still like. It's gotten worse now that I'm a mom because that's what she critiques me on now. I ain't raising my kids right. I'm hurting them. I'm just essentially utter failure in everything I do. Being a mom. Working. Cleaning. Living. Breathing. I have often thought my mother would be much happier without her screw up of a child around and being 6 weeks postpartum I definitely still feel that way. I come to find out recently everyone she associates with gets told I'm a bad mom. My brother included and they believe it. They all look at me with not easliy hidden disgust. They all degraded and judge me for having another baby and will of they find out I want another. All i wanna do these last few days is cry. I want to fall off the face of the earth. I want to not feel. Not hurt.. Just peace utter peace. Calm quiet. I don't think ill ever get that. I don't think I'll every stop being miserable. Or not good enough or worthless or a failure. I'm a piece of shit if I try to move away from it all but when I'm close everyone nit picks at my life. Hiw the he'll can I be happy shen I'm always put down. Where do I go what do I do.
