Baby, it's falling

Chapter 2

As soon as he opened the door to their shared apartment he could hear them. Some of the other members were talking in the living room, Changbin's voice being the loudest as usual. He made a beeline for his own room, to pick up a fresh set of clothes. Unfortunately the biggest and nearest bathroom was occupied. Should he wait for the person to finish, or should he go past the living room to get to the other bathroom? He decided to knock on the door. "Who's in there? Are you finished soon?"

"Ji! You're back already? Sorry, mate. This is going to take a while. Got my rubber duckie and everything." Jisung could hear the sloshing of water from behind the locked door. Clearly his leader was taking his sweet time with his bath. Fuck. There was no way Jisung would wait for the big guy to finish. He needed to wash up now. The feeling of being dirty was gnawing at his brain. With a sigh he looked down the hallway and started walking.

His bad luck continued. As the entered the living room he could see that Changbin was together with Felix, Hyunjin and Minho. His fake twin lit up as soon as he saw him. "Sungie, you're in time for our movie." The blond boy started clapping in his excitement. Changbin and Hyunjin turned towards Jisungie as well, but Minho didn't look up at all. Instead he calmly pulled out his cellphone and started scrolling. There was no indication that his hyung had noticed him standing there, but Jisung knew better. Lee Minho was ignoring him on purpose.

"I need to take a shower", he said weakly. "Well hurry up. We can wait for you, right guys?" His best friend turned towards the other three looking for confirmation. Changbin shot out an "off course" without missing a beat, but Hyunjin was more reluctant. He shrugged and said "I guess". Jisung's body tensed up as soon as his brain registered that Minho was getting up from his seat. "Do whatever you like, Lix. I no longer feel like watching a movie." With the natural grace of a dancer the eldest left the room, walking by Jisung like if he was air.

Felix' worried eyes was piercing him, but Jisung ignored it and faked a light tone. "I'll hurry up then." He nearly ran out of the room, diving into the smaller bathroom where he could lock the door and be safe. As soon as he had turned on the water in the shower cabinet, the first sob escaped him. He nearly ripped his clothes in his haste to get them off his body, but as soon as he was naked he felt worse than he had been wearing the filthy clothes. Now he was without any layers to protect him. Stepping into the shower he started to cry for real. He let the tears fall freely and could only hope that the sounds he was making was drowned out by water hitting the floor and glass walls.

His meticulous cleaning ritual began. He started from the top, shampooing his hair twice. Then he washed his face, ears, neck and throat. The skin there was delicate and needed to be treated with care, but as soon as that was done Jisung grabbed the body brush. He scrubbed his whole body vigorously, and every time he stopped to rinse the brush and apply more soap he cranked up the temperature of the water. By the time he was done scrubbing his skin was sore in places, and the room was filled with steam. He had no idea how much time had passed, and if they were still waiting for him to return to the living room. The water was scolding hot now, and it was time for the finale.

Jisung lifted his left arm to his mouth, and turned the knob controlling the heat all the way over to cold. He bit down on his forearm to muffle his own scream as the icy water hit him. The sudden change in temperature made his whole body send distress signals to his brain, commanding him to escape the danger he was in, but Jisung locked his body in place taking the harsh punishment. He bit down even harder, focusing on the physical pain as his mind went blank.

After the shower, Jisung dried himself off and got dressed. He was feeling tired now that his brain had released endorphins to soothe him. His whole body felt sluggish and it was so much better than the jittery sensation from before. He shuffled into the living room and sat down next to Felix in the sofa. Chan had also finished and had taken up the seat vacated by Minho earlier. Jisung gave his leader a lazy nod before he decided to curl up with his head in Felix' lap. He knew his best friend didn't mind the skinship, but if felt good to have it confirmed by the radiant smile Felix' sent him before he started to play with Jisung's hair.

The movie failed to capture his interest, but he didn't want to be alone in his room. Felix was clearly enjoying the mindless action movie, and Jisung didn't have the heart to suggest they leave, knowing that Felix would do so if he asked. With unseeing eyes he kept his face turned against the screen, to blend in with the others.

He flinched when Minho appeared out of nowhere and put down a tray on the table. It was filled with soda bottles, a bowl filled with chocolate and two tubes of Pringles. Minho left again without saying anything, not even acknowledging the thanks shouted after him. The peace the endorphins had given Jisung was gone, and he felt his chest tightening. "Here, it's your favorite." Felix was handing him the orange Pringles tube with a smile, and Jisung took it from his small hands and mumbled something resembling a thank you. He started eating the chips on autopilot, not really tasting them. His stomach growled at him, letting Jisung know it was about fucking time he ate something. Felix was wrong though. The Pringles had used to be his favorite, but that was before he shot the Two Kids Room episode together with Minho. Now it tasted like cowardice, poor decisions and bitter regret.

Jisung had never hidden that he thought Minho was the most beautiful male he had ever seen. He talked about it openly, letting anyone who asked know how impressed he had been the first time he saw his hyung at the JYP building. Minho would sometimes smirk and sometimes act shy when Jisung told the story. It depended on who was around at the time. Their friendship was steadily developing making them grow closer every day, but they were always dancing around the fact that there might be something more between them – not only a mutual fascination but attraction as well.

Then Jisung had fucked it all up in the 40 minutes it took to shoot their episode. He remembered them sharing the tube of Pringles, sitting in the uncomfortable blue sofa, but it didn't matter because he was there with Minho. Normally they never talked about their friendship, but that was the whole point of Two Kids Room, and Jisung had stupidly been excited about it. He had wanted Minho to confirm that he liked spending time with him, but nothing had gone the way he had hoped. He had pushed too far, making Minho uncomfortable. When he saw the finished episode it was obvious, but by then it was too late - everything between them was broken.

Like a modern day Romeo and Juliet, they had been out of sync even though they were both trying. Minho had asked Jisung in what way he liked Minho, and Jisung had panicked because the answer would be too much like a confession. So coward as he was, he had just made a dubious face and proceeded to make fun of Minho for asking. If he had chosen to be truthful, everything would have been different.

The final nail in the coffin had been when he tried to kiss Minho. He honestly couldn't remember if he had aimed for Minho's chin or lips, but the elder had flinched back and their manager had yelled "cut" like if they were in damn movie. Then Jisung had been told in a rather harsh tone to dial down the fan service. The look on Minho's face when he heard their manager had been worse then taking a punch to the stomach. So many emotions had flashed in his eyes before he had pulled a sardonic mask over his handsome face, shutting Jisung out from what he was really feeling. Jumping up from the sofa he had shouted that he wanted to quit the aegyo school because it was trash and thrown pillows at him. And Jisung had laughed, because the reality of their situation had finally caught up with him. They were shooting a scene surrounded by staff, scrutinized by their manager. He had been naïve to think that this was the right time to have an open conversation with his hyung about whatever was going on between them.

Their manager had ended the recording not long after, probably because he didn't trust Jisung to be even more reckless. When Jisung wrote his ending note to Minho, his anxiety had started to build and in his desperation he had written what he had never dared to say: "Please continue to be my soulmate. Saying I love you is too cringy, so I'll skip it".

But Minho's end note hinted at completely different feelings: "Quit. Quit. Quit. Quit. Quit. Quit. Quit." Was that the mantra going through the elders head on their way home? The car ride had been filled with strained silence. Jisung had barely even managed to look his soulmate in the face, but when he glanced over Minho's face was stone cold. Closing the door to the apartment, Jisung had tried to reach for Minho's hand but failed. "We finished recording more than half an hour ago, Jisung. There's no need to grab for me now." The harsh words and the flat tone had stunned Jisung, and no reply came out of his mouth. He just stood there feeling like his lungs were failing in their task to provide him with oxygen, no matter how hard he tried to breathe. The dark haired had walked down the hallway and disappeared into his room, leaving Jisung behind with a soul deep wound that would never stop bleeding.