The Jack of Hearts | Chishiya Shuntaro

3

Even though I watched the bully disappear with a smile on my face, when the adrenaline was gone, and my eyes were on the boy who was on the ground again, I had difficulty holding everything I was suppressing.

Since my brain was short-circuited from everything going on, it still couldn't function. And because my mind was not working, I started succumbing to my emotions.

I must have gulped myself back so hard that my legs began to tremble as the source of the trauma disappeared.

I still wanted to help the boy across me, comfort him and let him know he had someone he could count on for the rounds ahead. But I didn't have the strength. Neither to form a correct sentence nor to go near him. The memories that came to light from deep down had managed to exhaust me mentally.

''Why did you say that?'' Ippei turned to Chishiya and asked with a slight panic in his tone.

The lack of their attention on me was a little comforting; my eyes were already starting to brim with tears. Forcing my trembling legs, I was able to sit on the cold floor, holding on to the wall, and let out a deep but ragged breath.

''You will see.'' He responded with a slight side glance. He was looking around with his arms folded as usual.

As I hugged my legs tightly, I looked again at the boy on the floor and then put my forehead to my knees.

I was too weak to be a savior or even play the role of a savior. I couldn't help myself in the real world, and I couldn't save Yuri in this one.

''Are you alright?'' I lifted my head slightly when I heard the girl's voice in the blue dress, which sounded too far away to be asked me. The girl was crouched in front of the boy, her back to us.

''Yeah.''

''How would you like to join up with our group instead?'' The same childish voice, but it felt more empathetic this time.

''Thank you.'' He said with hesitation after blinking a few times as if in disbelief. Like him, I was relieved and grateful to the girl. I found her creepy initially, but maybe she wanted to help people by forming this group. She didn't think twice or just didn't know that her method was disadvantageous. She was always smiling, maybe because she felt she had found a solution to get through the game with minor damage.

First, the girl stood up and returned to her group, and then the boy followed her.

I put my forehead to my knees again, not wanting to be seen by anyone.

''Sh-should we tell him? Should we tell him his real suit?'' Ippei spoke below his breath. He was probably uncomfortable that someone was going to die. ''He may not be the jack; why no one said anything?''

I sniffed, and a few tears dropped onto my lap. Because I saw nothing but darkness this way, I was either reliving my memories or seeing Yuri's bloody face. So I had to find something else to focus on. I wanted to quiet my brain down.

While the two were talking, I quickly raised my head and wiped my tears on my sleeve, trying to hold back the next ones. I felt tightness in my throat and pressure in my chest.

This was a psychological game; if I showed any weakness, I would become an open target. I needed to pull myself together even though these feelings were overwhelming.

Play now, cry later.

And it was easy for me to choke my feelings down when I used to have a sick mother at home, and I had to hide that I was constantly being bullied.

''It is not fair to kill someone like that.'' Ippei continued, although Chishiya didn't seem to mind him. ''It is not... Maybe I should go tell him.''

''Hmm,'' Chishiya responded eventually. ''I wouldn't do that.''