Voter Registration

The Library

Jed turned into the library parking lot almost on two wheels. He had to get registered to vote today, or he may not have another chance before the deadline. The registration drive center closed at 5:00 PM, and it was already 4:55.

He hopped out of his F150, and boot heels clacking in the blacktop, ran toward the entrance. He really didn't like the way the progressives had been trying to push the country, and he would have his chance to vote.

He threw open the door, looking around for the little folding table that would surely have a pleasant and understanding old lady sitting behind it.

But what's this? The table was there alright, but behind it sat a woman that didn't even look old enough to vote.

Jed narrowed his eyes and studied the young woman who was sitting there playing on one of those infernal smart phones that people seem enslaved to these days. She'd actually be kinda cute, he thought, if she washed her hair and put on a little make up. Continuing his study of her, he noticed the pattern on her black T-shirt was actually not a pattern at all. To his utter disgust, he realized the "pattern" was the number 420 printed repeatedly in small font. "You've gotta be shittin' me," he thought. "How is she allowed to wear such a shirt while doing such a patriotic and important job as helping voters register?" Shaking his head, he took the rest of her in. Little running shorts, showing too much leg, and... his mouth dried.. she was wearing Vans with no socks.

Jed didn't know why (and he hated himself for it), but he had secretly always felt the need to be degraded by a woman. And he definitely liked women's feet, which he also hated about himself.

He knew those Vans with no socks would make her feet deliciously smelly.

Pulling himself together, Jed sucked in his beer belly, adjusted his jeans that had suddenly grown a little too tight and did his best cowboy saunter over to the table.

The little shit didn't even bother to look up from her phone, she just reached over to grab one of the registration cards, and....Christ on a crutch... she had armpit hair!!! Jed's stomach nearly rolled, but he manned through it and took the card from her tattooed hand.

Jed did an abrupt about-face and took his card to one of the high school desks that had been arranged there for those coming to register. He had a hard time fitting in the thing, but managed. He was relieved to stop holding in his gut too. Why was even worried about that.. thing's opinion anyway?

He bent down to fill out his card, looking nervously at the time. Well, if he was a little late, she wouldn't dare tell him that.

While thinking this, he glanced up at her to give her the evil eye if she happened to be looking. She wasn't. She was still fiddling with that phone. The only move she had made was to cross her left leg over her right. The heel of her Van had popped off of her heel, and it was dangling precariously from her toes.

Jed stared transfixed at the young woman's foot. The outside arch of her foot, the heel, and what he could see of her toes were covered in a thin layer of dirt. Larger pieces of he didn't know what were plastered here and there on her foot as well.

After signing his name at the bottom of the card, Jed began to stand up, but got caught in the desk in a hunched over half squat. The desk lifted an inch or so off the ground, then fell loose of him with a loud clang. The woman, Liberal Lucy as Jed had begun to think of her, let out an unapologetic guffaw at his predicament.

Jed extricated himself from the desk, and tried to walk proudly to the little table. He extended the registration card toward Lucy, and got, "You're too late" in response.

Jed gritted his teeth. "What do you mean, too late? I busted my ass to get down here."

"Rules are rules, and it's past 5:00", she said.

Jed wanted to slap some common courtesy into her arrogant little face, but only said, "Then why you still here?"

"Waiting for my ride", she said, and finally took her eyes away from her phone to look up at Jed.

Jed fell in love with those hazel eyes right then and there. Damn, she was hot, even if she did need to wash her hair and shave her pits.

"Umm.. is there uh anything I can do to get you to take my card? I probably won't be able to come back again before the deadline."

"Nope, sorry", she answered in a very unconvincing apologetic tone. "Guess there will be one less dumbass redneck voting this year."

"Oh! My ride is here. Cya!" She said as she hopped up from her chair and walked out the door without looking back.

"What a bitch", Jed thought, and was very disappointed with himself. He should have made that hippie take the card whether she liked it or not, he shoulda told her what he thought about her "progressive" politics, and most of all, he should not have a raging erection