Healing Phase's (1)

Healing phase's vol 1

I feel like we talk about healing a lot.... And you know there are people who have healed, are healing, a work in process, etc but we don't talk about the people who started working on healing but got stuck in a phase of healing and can't get out of it... example some people have started healing but got stuck in the anger phase or victim phase for example my mother was healing herself from her mom and then she got together with my father and she not only had to heal herself from her mother but also from the heart break from my father she made sure that we had as kids no matter how she had to do it she is my true definition of a fuctunal hyper independent woman and my mom suffered from depression and anxiety and even more personal things and as a kid all I wanted to do was help and watching wat my mom did to herself and not knowing what to do about it made be confused. As I am becoming an adult I realize that I picked up EVERYTHING I watched my mom do and I learned that my mom did the best she could at the expense of herself, her woman hood, her LIFE and as I learn myself and change the habits that I learned as a child I realize my mom is one of the stuck people and I empathize with her whole heartedly she is stuck in phases that she doesn't know how to get out of and as her daughter I want to help all I can but there is trauma that I don't know because I am her daughter and as my mom she has always wanted to protect me and when I first got out into the world alone I went freaking crazy unprotected and without a care in the world I just wanted to get on my feet and do wat my mom did provide.... But there are things that my mom Hide from me about providing...
such as the bad days are really bad...(I seeked therapy which I used to think was nuts and stupid, but I knew I needed it to better myself)....
Eating habits ( as a kid my mom taught me the values of cooking and I was watching and learning but as a kid we were on a budget because it was just my mom and I learned how to shop on a budget for food not looking at different brands and companies and health... which I am currently learning ❤️)...... as a kid growing up in a single parent household I lacked a lot of learning experiences that I needed all ready, but because my mom wasn't loved my mom was a protector and provider I didn't get those feminine lessons or that soft love because my mom just genuinely didn't know how to do it and my mom was very honest about it growing up like "I don't do that teacup shit" or "I don't play with toys" and of course we would just laugh it off because we thought nothing of it....but as kids we need those moments so that we can give them to ourselves... example I talk to myself the way my mom talked to me growing up " put your big girl pants on" " suck it up.. stop crying like a bitch" and I do that because that's the only way I know to talk to myself and as I am growing I am learning that it's ok to say those things to keep you on track but its not ok to invalidate your own feelings because then u are taking something away from yourself that makes you who u are and as I am learning who I am....I am learning that it's ok to cry like a little bitch and it's ok to realize the traumas that are in your family and want to do better.... that doesn't mean I love my mom any less (if anything I want to give her the love she never got) but we are all human and everyone needs compassion and everyone needs help ☺️
- thanks for reading 😘