92 | waiting

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It's almost midnight

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It's almost midnight. I'm sitting against the headboard of my bed. I hug my knees, unable to stop my tears from falling.

My chest hurts so bad, as though someone has just stabbed it a thousand times. Finding out about Aiden and Olivia makes me feel like dying.

How stupid I am. How foolish.

I knew that this would happen sooner or later. The day when he would leave me for her.

My eyes squeeze shut as I remember everything that has happened between us. My sobs break again as I bury my face in my hands.

How could I allow myself to fall deep into this mess?

I care about him, but love was supposed to be something I should avoid.

Why couldn't I stop this feeling before it was too late?

I thought that Aiden Klein was a broken man, but the more we grew close, the more he dropped his guard down and showed me how much he was more than a broken man. Oh God, it has been so easy to love him. How could I not?

I've learned about Aiden's feelings. His emotions. I've seen the way he showed them to me. For me. Was it all a mistake?

Have I been wrong all this time?

I wipe the tears in my eyes again and think. No, even though what we've felt for each other is real, we still won't be together. There still won't be a happy ending for me. Because I will never be able to replace her.

It will always go back to one person. Her.

Another tear rolls down my cheek. My heart is broken, and there's nothing I can do about it. Maybe it's indeed time to let Aiden go, no matter how hard and painful it is to me. Even though my heart is his, his heart will always be hers.

Everything feels like crumbling at the possibility that they may have talked about what actually happened on their wedding day. Maybe she has told him about me and how I made her leave. Learning that he chooses her over me already hurts me to the core, and I don't think that I can survive if he hates me too.

Everything is so painful. Loving him is too painful.

My gaze falls to my phone, which is lying on my bed. I want to call mom and cry my heart out. I miss my parents so much. But I won't be able to talk to her without breaking down, and she will be worried sick. I don't want dad to know. I can't imagine what he would do.

Mom always told me that I would find the one someday and that the waiting would be worth it. She told me that I would know how it feels to be in love.

I close my eyes and cry. My shoulders are shaking helplessly.

I know it now, mom. I love him, so much. I love him more than I love myself. I've risked my heart, and now it shatters.

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