Failure

The Only Part

Sitting on her bed, she glanced out the window at the grey sky and thick clouds. She looked away at two people holding hands and playing in the poodles, laughing and in love. She dropped her head and sniffed, forcing tears back in her eyes but without success. She exploded in sobs and curled up on her bed using a pillow to muffle her agonizing cries.
She couldn't stand anything anymore. She had too much on her shoulders: too much to do, too much to care about, too much she couldn't do. It felt as if the world was slowly falling apart on her, squeezing her body against the ground, forbidding her from breathing, from feeling free.
A sudden warmth on her hip made her choke and she lifted her head to meet his eyes. "Why are you hurting yourself like that?" he asked on a tender tone.
"I should return you the question," she answered, her voice uneven and still sobbing.
He frowned. "Why?"
She dropped her head on the mattress and looked out the window, away from his face. More tears formed in her eyes but this time she let them free. She hated speaking when crying because it was nearly impossible to understand a thing, but he was waiting for an answer so she forced the words out of her mouth. Unfortunately, she barely had enough time to say "I can't do this," that a her voice broke and she exploded in sobs once again, shoving her face in the pillow and squeezing it tight.
He rubbed her back and rested his head on her hip as he patiently waited for her to be done. Moments passed and finally she managed to relax and to answer his question. "I just can't do this anymore, I can't stand another failure. In everything I do, sooner or later I fail. I can't keep good grades, I can't have a hold on myself anymore: I'm always mad or sad or depressed. How can you not be pissed of being with a girl who's always like that? How can you not be tired of this?"
"I guess I learned to live with you and your flaws..."
She looked down at him. "I'm so sorry for that... I deeply wish I were normal."
"But normal's boring," he said on a happier tone hoping to make her smile.
"But crazy's scary too."
"You're not crazy."
"Then what am I?" She frowned, slowly getting pissed at him trying to cheer her up when all she wanted to do was to cry until her eyes dry out.
"You're just... having a bad trip I guess. It happens you know."
She sighed in annoyance and covered her face with the pillow as now rage and sadness mixed up inside her. Unsure of what to do, he awkwardly straightened to sit and took his head in his hands and tugged at his hair, feeling stupid for what he'd said.
A heavy silence filled the room for long minutes.
He'd finally laid on the edge of her bed, his head at the end with one foot on the bed and the other on the ground, and had fallen asleep. Same for her: she'd stopped crying and was now slumbering, allowing her nerves to relax and her mind to clear out the bad.
When rain restarted pouring down the sound of raindrops slamming against the window awakened him and he looked over at her still in a ball with the pillow in her arms. He moved to lay behind her and slowly wrapped an arm around her waist. When she didn't move he sighed and began to speak in a whisper to not wake her up:
"Whether you're crazy or not, depressed or not, mad or not, I'll still love you because I learned to love you no matter how you were feeling. It happens to everyone, having ups and downs, and I'm ready to help you go through yours if you help me go through mine. Just understand that I'm not going to judge you or get pissed, it's part of my duty and I'm ready to do it."
He felt a change in her breathing and knew she was awakened. She turned on her side to face him and he noticed tears in her eyes but with a smile on her lips."You heard me, didn't you?" he asked and she nodded.
She pressed herself in his chest to hug him as tears fell on the mattress and with a small smile she simply whispered, "I love you."