I thought I was approaching the light.
I expected to suffer just a little longer.
Tolerate the hunger for connection.
Not speak up for respect,
Or to protect my peace.
I thought I just needed to stay quiet and serve.
Now I know that that light was cold.
It never wanted me to have peace.
I was not able to satisfy my hunger.
Even though I didn't speak up, my throat still went dry,
And my voice was too hoarse to ask for water.
I never knew peace.
Even in my dreams, I experience a whirlwind of voices
from the past that torture me.
I gave them everything, yet I was tossed aside.
I am no longer seeking the light, for my heart aches.
My mind goes dark with not knowing what could have been.
"What if?"
Those words haunt me,
Because I will never know the opportunity today
could have had.
All I know is that I hurt.
The people I served caused this pain.
Peers, family, friends, strangers, you.
You hurt me.
And this time I won't ignore you,
Or your harsh words.
You will not get the easy way out.
I no longer seek the light.
I seek you, and making sure you cannot have it.
A/N: 3 Feb 2023 - I saw the light, and it laughed.
