New beginnings

What was that ...

I ran to the bathroom to find Maya just sliding down the wall and what looks like a bunch of MY shampoo down the wall it was te last shampoo that Andrea left me before he died and I miss him like crazy I can't blame her she's suffering I get that I get the pain I've been there but why does it have to be my shampoo my shampoo like of allll things my shampoo come on. Bella could be anything else guess we ain't the lucky ones it's like we don't know what that is it seems like we don't get a break we can't help what we can't control and I think personally we should be able to as this isn't fair I hate seeing my wife hurt but I have my hands stopping her from breaking anything as I don't wanna pay for more shampoo I know it's not important to me more then my wife but she is my wife and that's my shampoo I sound like a baby for fuck sake

I can't believe I sound like the biggest child going I sound like jack SOBER FUCKING SOBER of all things sober I can't believe this I really can't I wanna help Maya but she won't talk to me she's just crying and saying she is to blame when she isn't a doctor she couldn't save him because she's just a friend in the same job it's so hard when this happens because pru is now living with Ben and miranda because the grandpa and nan just won't look after her like sorry but that's ur grandkid surely u know what I won't even get in to it Maya is my concern I don't know why I'm sitting here pondering and wondering about stuff I don't even know much to do with I should keep my nose out and be there for my wife she needs me most and that's what I need to help her with I can't loose track and focus as she always comforts me I have to find the better in people and help her

Carina is sitting helping me but I just want Dean that's all I ask I want Dean or the ground to swallow me while it's not fair why him why not anyone else he didn't deserve that at all like no way I don't wanna talk to my wife is that bad like I don't I just wanna cry I know I broke her shampoo I guess I will replace it but she looks hurt and now I feel bad I mean I did get angry at it it was just after the best night of my life why does this have to ruin it why I didn't deserve that no one did my wife shouldnt see me cry no one should ugh I hate everything!