The Mannequin - Minsung

sixty-seven

"You don't remember all of the things we did together..." Minho tells Jisung. "But you will soon. You'll also remember Hyunjin, his family..."

"Then you'll remember his grandma, because before you came alive to me... you'd been with her, years ago. You had a sad experience with her."

"You might be scared of it, you might think it's your fault, but it wasn't and no one hates you or thinks you've hurt them..."

Jisung's eyes fill with tears. "H-How do you know?"

"Because... we learned the truth. You will remember that too, okay? I want you to keep this in mind for when you get those memories. I love you and want you here, and your Mama Haeun does too."

"Hyunjin and his parents, and my brother — you haven't met him yet — but they're all your family and we want you and love you."

Minho holds his soft cheeks. "Jisung. This is important. Please. Anything before... before now, with me, with these people who care about you... it doesn't matter. Promise me that you'll remind yourself of that."

"W-What do you mean?" Jisung says.

Minho takes his hands. "I mean that you're going to start remembering things from your past. Some I can help you with, because I was there with you. Others, I can't. I don't know how far back in your past they are but there are things... that hurt you."

"Jisung, you're afraid of it. Last time that started happening... you didn't want to lose anything now because of anything from that time. You wanted to be the Jisung now... not the Jisung from that time... so that you could be with me, so that we could be happy together..."

"And I think you were right. Jisung... I've met you twice now... so I've realized it. I used to think... because you don't know yourself, maybe finding out everything about you was needed — for you to fully be you, to know what you want, or what to be.

"... So that you can choose me, choose us, after you are aware of who you are, because I thought... maybe you weren't complete, you weren't the whole Jisung yet, just parts... without all your memories..."

Minho wipes his own tears. Sniffs.

"But I don't think that anymore. You've been the same. You are still... you. The same sweet man... who thinks he did something bad... and from what I've seen, there's nothing like that."

"So I think it's those memories, your past, whatever happened that you end up forgetting... that's what's making you think this way... and when you come close to remembering it again... it's too painful for you, and you forget everything all over again..."

Jisung whimpers now. Shakes his head. His hands are tightly gripping Minho's. "I don't want to forget you..."

"I know, I know. I don't want you to forget me either. I don't want you to leave, to be stuck as a mannequin, or be scared or hurt— it's so... so hard not to have you in my life, Jisung. Not to have the person I love and want to love forever... that's why..."

Minho rubs his eyes. Composes himself.

"That's why I'm telling you this. Meeting you two times, helping you get life and memories and love... I now think... it shouldn't matter, whatever happened in your past."

"It's too long ago. It just hurts you. Nothing more. I think... you right now, like this... that's more important. I love you, and you love me, in the present. Let's just... remember this, keep this, and focus on now, our future, and not the past."

"B-But if you give me love... I will remember, won't I?"

"Yes... you struggle and it will hurt when it comes, so I want to tell you this now so it can keep you strong. Don't let it take you from me..."

"You asked me to hold on to you before, when I thought you getting your memories would give us answers. But it gave you pain and then it took you away from me... from the people who love you..."

It's not right. Whatever the hell it is. It's so old.

It can't just hurt Jisung. Make him think he's cursed. Cause him to wander around at night. Cause him to ask about the people who put him somewhere. People who aren't coming. People who can't come.

If they were two hundred years ago... they're all dead.

"Jisung... I love you. I'm sorry, but I don't care about your past... and you shouldn't either. It's all gone. It doesn't exist anymore."

"Don't let it hurt you... or make you think you're bad or hated... don't let it trap you as a mannequin. Just focus on me. On now and tomorrow."

"Think about the past like... another person's past. Another Jisung. You have to stay with us. For people at this time. We want you..."

Jisung's crying now. He's wiping his face with his hands.

"Was the other Jisung bad?" Jisung says.

The question makes Minho sadder. But he laughs a little. Pulls Jisung close. Places his head on his shoulder.

Maybe he doesn't understand yet. It's too early.

"I don't know..." He murmurs. "But I don't think so... You're not bad in any way, Jisung..."

"Maybe you made me good?"

Minho chuckles. Quietly. Tearfully. "Maybe. But you were good with Hyunjin's grandmother. She loves you."

"Maybe she made me good..."

"Maybe," Minho says. He drops a kiss. On the skin of his shoulder. "But this is you now. The one we all love."

"W-What if old Jisung comes and changes present Jisung? Makes him bad? Makes him do something he shouldn't?"

Minho pulls back. "Then don't let him."

Jisung opens his mouth. To speak. Then doesn't. His tears come back strong. Minho gently hugs him.

Minho knows. It doesn't make sense to Jisung. He has a lot of fear. There's all that unknown. About himself. About what will happen to him. What he is. What he was. How all of it will hurt.

"Jisung... It's scary. I know. But I love you. I believe you are good. You're beautiful and kind. You want to be good. You always want to learn more. You want to help. You're scared of hurting others or making them sad. Where would all that come from?"

"I don't know..." Jisung mumbles.

"It's in you," Minho says. Strokes his back. "It's part of you."

"I don't want to forget you... I don't want to be bad... or alone..."

Minho frowns. "You're not bad. Or alone. I won't let you be. But you'll have to try with me, okay? You have to remember that there are people who want you and love you. Promise me that you'll try with me."

"Okay... I'll try... with you... for you..."

Minho kisses his cheek. "Thank you, Jisung."

To be continued...