Lottie is already sitting in the kitchen as I walk downstairs. She is chewing on a toast with scrambled egg, completely focused on her laptop and notes. Quietly, I walk past her to grab my coat. I take it with both hands and swing it around my torso to put my arms in. It's still a little wet from yesterday. I don't really care. I just want to go for a walk to clear my head before I talk to anyone. I need to focus. I don't want to be a burden on anyone. Especially not with minor problems like this. I switch my house shoes for my trainers. Great, wet too... I make a grimace. A wet coat is one thing, wet shoes are another. Wet shoes are definitely where I would usually draw the line. They are just uncomfortable. But now... Well, they'll have to do for my walk.
When I was nearly at my mum's yesterday, it started raining outside. How fitting, I thought. It was like in all the drama movies Harry used to watch with me. The couple whose love seemed infinite and unbreakable endures some kind of tragic breakup. And of course, the rain is always there, combined with sad music in the background, while one of the two is staring out of the car window into the distance. I was the one sadly staring out of the window, unfortunately without the music. I had turned the radio off after they started playing our songs. Stupid bastards.
Not listening to music made the car drive not only lonelier it felt a thousand times longer as well. Normally, I enjoy the three hour long drive up north. This time I didn't. Not at all. It was dragging and I was tired. I just wanted to go to bed and forget about everything. When I finally arrived at half three in the morning, the rain only got heavier. Swearing, I opened the car door and stepped outside. I shut the door behind me and hectically ran up the few stairs to the front door. I locked the car and started searching for the house key. It had to be somewhere in my pocket. I searched through all of my pockets, the ones in my jacket, in my jeans... nowhere.
Stupid key. I started tearing up. The rain was dripping from my nose. My hair was stuck to my head. Stupid, stupid key. A sob came from my mouth. My breath went unsteady now. Stupid key. Stupid life. Stupid Harry! By now I was sobbing uncontrollably. I hadn't even noticed that I had sunken onto one of the steps. Everything that I'd tried to push aside came up at once. I was holding on to my legs as if my life depended on it. Stupid Harry. I cried and cried, and I didn't care about the damn key anymore. I didn't care about the rain. I didn't care that it was a cold spring night. If I was going to die right here, right now, I'd be okay with it. I didn't even notice when the light went on and the front door opened.
"Shhh. Lou. Shhhhh." I heard the familiar voice whispering soothingly while two arms found their way around me. "Everything will be alright. I'm here. You're safe."
We sat like this for a couple of minutes. Me being rolled up on the stairs, my mum holding me tightly, trying to calm me down. I was falling, fast, into God knows what deep darkness. My mum just held me until it was over. I closed my eyes and breathed. Now that I had calmed down, I could feel my body shaking.
"Come on Lou, baby. It's time to go inside. You're freezing.", her eyes were worried. Yet, she put on a small smile. I just shakily stood up, took her hand, and went inside with her.
While I changed into some dry and comfortable clothes my mum made me tea. By the time she came upstairs, I was already lying in bed, covered in my duvet and two blankets. She sat beside me and carefully stroke my cheek where the tears still kept rolling down.
"Can you- Can you stay for a while? Please?"
"Of course I can, baby", she replied. "Swoop over, okay?" Her grin made me smile a little and I rolled over to make some space for her. She laid down next to me and put her arms around me.
"Thank you", I said.
"I'll always be there if you need me, Lou. I love you."
"I love you, mum", I mumbled into her shoulder. The warmth and her steady breathing were comforting and familiar. Finally, I fell asleep.
YOU ARE READING
Replaced by Two Ghosts
Fanfiction"Louis was different. Harry could not quite put his finger on it but something about the way he looked, he behaved, seemed to be off. He remembered the glow in his eyes, full of love. Louis used to make him feel like he was the only person in the wo...
