Pixels Of War: an interview with the soldiers of the war between consoles

1 PIXELS OF WAR

I sit in a moderately sized conference room, bathed in bright spring sunshine from the many windows behind me and to the left of me gazing in the historic down town of Philadelphia, at the Holiday Inn on Walnut street just one block east of Broad street. I set my recorder on the table in front of me, where a large glass pitcher of water sits condensing surrounded by a half dozen glasses, one of which I sip sporadically. I am nervous and excited at the same time for this interview I, Henry Krasker, am taking on behalf of Informal Gamer magazine.

For years many legends stepped away from gaming glory, but never did they talk about their lives during the console wars of the 80's and 90's. There had been numerous attempts by myself and other gaming journalists to hear their stories about such a momentous time. My attempt to interview disgruntled former gaming star Alvin Josh, the first mascot for the Mega Slave 8 bit console, was a failure.

I had approached Alvin at his home, a dilapidated one bedroom trailer at a mobile home park on the outskirts of Hopkins, Minnesota. A frayed worn sign hanging askew on the front porch warned of a guard dog though I heard no barking. Before I could knock on his door he came out wielding an over sized golden Pogo stick that was gifted to him in 1990 by the Mega corporation just six months before being ousted by said corporation.

"I'll kill every one of you cock smokers! And tell that fuckin hodgepodge I'm gonna rape his green asshole!" he had screamed hopping madly on his hybrid kangaroo legs.

It was very scary to see, Alvin Josh, once the king of Mega, in such a murderous fury. It wasn't very long after my editor and I decided we had to know more about their time during the war between consoles. The editor of Informal Gamer, my boss, tweeted a controversial press release offering money for anyone from video games, including NPC's and peripherals, to talk about their time during the war. In the months that passed we had only three respondents, 2 of the 3 are sitting on the other side of the table from me now.

"So when this shit does it start? And I was told this would be televised in front of a live audience of mostly slutty women." said Jack Sackem with his famous bravado grin that sold millions of games in the mid to late 90's.

"We're still waiting for Noobert." I responded coolly.

"Uh huh, and the women?" he said adjusting his mirrored aviator sunglasses before crossing his muscular arms across his chest, upon which sat criss crossed bandoleers filled with shotgun shells. His blond hair pixels glistened in the sun.

2 PIXELS OF WAR

"You were not told anything about an audience or women and this will be audio recorded."

"Pixel shit. Was the Motel 6 booked up? At least they have hookers there. Why we waiting for the fur ball, it's bad enough people won't get to see me they gotta hear his lame ass voice. People want me and only me, I'm the most important and I know it all."

"Your statement is illogical, Jack." clanked Bob the Bot the briefly famous peripheral for the 8 bit TES console.

"Oh for love of tits, Bob go do another game about bottles and shit. Cause that's what kids want to do open bottles. Let's get this bitch started, I need paid."

"We are to be paid upon publication of the article." Bob clanked before I could tell Jack the same.

"Thank you for your input, Bob! I'll handle the negotiations you handle being nightmare fuel for kids, with those dead eyes."

"My head and body were modeled after the robot from the movie Short Circuit."

"Oh you mean the gayest robot in the history of science fiction. Why don't you get an over haul, you could get a cooler looking robo bod, like the ones in that movie I, Robot."