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21

"I have all reason to be worried", she cried out while her index finger and her thumb touched while going around Huening's wrist. "This is not supposed to happen", she pointed out at her fingers touching.

"But we're on diet, noona, it's to be skinnier", the younger replied, shrugging. "We have a comeback soon".

"I know, I am included on the makeup team", she sighed. "But you are so skinny", her eyes looked up at him and Kai bit his lip.

His finger brushed off the small tear that formed in her eyes and he then kissed her forehead.

"I am okay".

"You need to eat", she replied instantly. "You're going to end up being only bones and that's not healthy. And I mean this to all of you, I know you're eavesdropping", she looked at them all.

They didn't leave their eyes from the TV screen, but the movie they were watching had been long forgotten. This was not the first time they had dieted, but it was the first time they had dropped the weight with Heejin around.

All of them had gotten used to this: dropping weight right before their comebacks to look good on all of their shows and showcases. And then, after promoting the album, taking some time off to gain some weight back.

Korean's beauty standards were crazy. Heejin couldn't believe that they wanted her boys to practically disappear in thin air just for them to be "liked" by the masses. How about their health? How about their own body image getting screwed because of some stereotype they had to follow and show to the world?

Did anyone care for them, actually? Did they see the guys only as money machines?

"We're going to HYBE", she announced and got up from her spot on the couch.

"Noona, it's sunday".

"We'll go tomorrow ", she sat baxk down. "And I will make everyone have a piece of my mind", she grumbled.

"She's angry", Yeonjun commented towards Taehyun, who nodded. Her pissed off state was almost too much fir the guys, having never felt this emotion coming from her ever before.

"Noona, it's okay", Soobin uttered. "We're going to gain it back in a few months".

"Months?!", she got up again from her seat, the shock going through her. "How are you supposed to survive for months in this state? Are you guys even eating anything? You've all dropped the weight in so little time", her eyes closed tightly, trying to refuse the tears.

She didn't want to see them ever again this skinny. They, if course, looked heavenly as always, but their energy levels were so low, and they almost didn't spend any time with her.

They would go, train, sing and dance for hours while she went to school and then worked at the agency, and would only come to her for their daily recharge. No snuggles, no kisses, only touching her hand or her arm while rehearsing their lines.

Then, they would all get home, the guys would barely have any dinner, and they would all sit in front of the TV, not even looking at whatever was showing because they would be too exhausted to even pay attention to a movie.

So Heejin would send them all to sleep, clean the kitchen, and have a late night snack by herself. She would sometimes finish the movie by herself, but it wasn't the same without them, so she would sight and turn the TV off. And then she would stare at darkness for a little while.

She would surge through cocoa sunsets and bubble baths, and through cotton candy and nights looking at the fire. She would scan through a day at the beach, and after making sure they were all fast asleep, she would kiss them all on their foreheads before going to her room.

No one would be there. Usually, one or two of them would be waiting for Heejin in her bedroom, ready to cuddle the night away. She had gotten so used to their presence that, without them, she would blink the sleep away because she couldn't stop thinking.

Her mind wouldn't rest, wouldn't subdue to sleep. She could be up for hours, scanning through the bonds to make sure they were okay. She wanted to know they were all okay, because the lifestyle they were carrying was so exhausting, it didn't seem to her that someone would be actually okay with it.

At least, not for as long as they had endured it.

We signed up for this, was what Yeonjun had said the first day she had noticed their fast paced weight loss.

She couldn't reply. Her mouth had opened and closed for a couple of times, looking for something to reply with but lacking the words.

How can you sign up for something that exhausts you? For something that is in the border of being unhealthy and unprofessional? How could you choose this as your main occupation, knowing you'll be going through the same cycles of constant pressure for as long as your career lasts?

Heejin sighed.

She walked to the kitchen and filled a cup with water, sitting next to the window and looking at Seoul. Somewhere, in that enormous city, were people who supported her boys. The reason behind all their hard work, the reason they even had a job in the industry.

How could you repay for love, when you can't even know who is loving you? Did they think that holding the stupid beauty standards would make them more likable?

Wasn't it too much? Weren't they exhausted?

She could never know.

"Noona, go to sleep", the sudden voice made her heart stop and her hands to almost drop her water.

"You scared me to death", she put her hand to her heart.

"Stop worrying, it's okay", Soobin sat next to her and kissed her temple.

"How can I not worry when you all look so tiny", she furrowed her eyebrows.

"We're fine", he smiled. "It's part of the job".

"I hate that it is", she mumbled.

The quiet day at the beach came to mind. She breathed in and almost could feel the marine breeze. And it was calming; so calming and refreshing that all her worries went away.

"Thank you", she sighed.

"You're welcome, my love".