When the bubble of delusion popps!

It popped!

Me: Enough now!

Thankfully they all calmed down very soon and we all managed to sit down together and relax for a bit. It was really just for a short bit because Lucario seemed to Challange Greninja and soon after that they both went a bit further away and started to throw attacks at each other while I was sitting there watching them do so.

For the very first time, I was looking at everyone fighting and was all by myself on the sideline. I didn't had to tell them what to do or how to move at all. I didn't had to warn them or tell them to stop or calm them down. I could just watch and wonder.

It really si peaceful.

I wonder what my friends are doing...

What would my mother do about now...

It's been a long time that I heard about her.

Maybe I should give her a call?

She might be busy but when would I get the chance to call her in such a nice calm and rather peacful moment?

Pikachu and Gengar were fighting a bit as well as Lukario and Greninja. They even started teaming up to get each other. Whatever it was, they looked as if they had real fun. I also didn't wanted to interrupt them and so I just walked to the side of the forrest and decided to give my mother a phone call.

I am sure she will be happy to hear from me.

It's been months after all.

As soon as I started the call, I heard the ringing and the ringing and the ringing until I got to the voice box. It was definitelly unusual since she would normally pick up my calls. In the end I tried again... but again, nothing. No matter how I looked at it, it was a bit wird and I felt dissapointed that she wouldn't pick up the call at all.

I wonder why she isn't picking up...

She hasn't replied to my text earlier as well when I told her I am going to meet up with Greninja.

...

Come to think of it...

the last time I heard from her was a year ago...

My mind was not at easy right now and it started thinking about what was going on. Up until now, I was so busy training my pokemons that I didn't really get that at all. I mean I should have definitelly heard from her more and I should have texted or called her more but I was just so busy. Then again, each and every time it was me who called her. She never called me at all and she also never decided to visit me at all. I did send her some price money I got from beating the gyms but the would never respond at all.

Wait...

Is she doing this on purpose?

Each time I get home, she is sending me off again...

Why did I never realize that?

Fuck!

When this thought came up, I dropped the phone and looked to the ground. I felt lonely and thrown away. It was a type of emotion I never feeled before. It was just too much. My mother was too much. She never ever really cared. 

now it makes sense why she never said anything against Pikachu using his attacks on me...

She send me off the moment I got him...

And then my other pokemons...

Each time I would change reagons, I would either send them to the professor who asked me to do this or release them because they want it this way...

Wait...

What if I am the cause of this?

Am I such a jerk that no one wants me?

I...

I...

Gosh... I trained them all just because I wanted to be on the top...

What if they never wanted this?

I really am a shitty trainer.

Tears were falling down my cheek and when I looked up, I could see them all being happy fighting each other. At this moment in time, I knew that they would be happier without me. Everything made sense.... the reason my mother never contacted me, the reason she wanted to get rid of me, my friends never contact me, pokemons never returning to me, the professor never even calling me, ... why was I the only one who cared and wanted someone to come at me and not the other way around? Why was it never like that?

Without hesitation, I took off my hat, my gloves and their pokeballs and placed them on the ground neatly as I looked at my pokemons smiling a bitterly awkward and shaky smile.

Me: I am sorry... I am such a selfish person and don't deserve you all...

Just like that, I decided to go into the forrest and wander off myself leaving them and everything behind. I felt the need for quietness to think about everything. I felt the need to just be alone even though I knew this was probably the biggest mistake I could do.