Meilan

2. PTSD

"Though some experiences may leave us traumatized, they simultaneously mold us into warriors." 

   -Queen Klarity

Cindy led me down a dark hallway, and asked me where I was from. "West Philly," I responded, trying to be as bubbly as possible despite how anxious I was. She nodded, then let me know where she was taking me. My eyes widened as we entered the dressing room where some of the dancers were: some were naked and getting themselves ready to perform, some were congregating loudly and talking about their encounters with their customers, and some were quietly minding their business, counting their money. The purple walls were lined with full sized black lockers that were marked with names and cute stickers. There was a large double sided vanity in the middle of the room filled with dancers' personal belongings as they were getting themselves ready to work. Cindy told me I could have whatever locker that wasn't taken as long as I bought my own lock. She led me to her station, where she held everything the dancers needed: from perfume to toothpaste, wipes to full on soap and loofas, and even cute frilly outfits and bikinis that caught my eye. She showed me where the shower and restrooms were, then proceeded to take me back down the dark hallway.

As we were walking out, a few women stopped Cindy and let them know they needed some nipple pasties from her- making her run back into the dressing room with the girls trailing behind her. I stood in the hallway alone, processing what was happening at the moment.  Could I even do this? I took a deep breath, remembering what my best friend said and what my situation was looking like. I needed this money and nothing, not even my anxiety, was going to mess this up. I thought about how this opportunity was going to help me achieve my goals by allowing me to invest into my art and into myself- making me stand up straight as I waited for Cindy to come back. I heard the clacking of heels to the right of me, and turned to see a beautiful dark skinned woman that was walking directly towards me.

"You a dancer?" She approached me softly, looking me straight in my eyes. 

"Yes," I responded as she sized me up. She nodded knowingly, then placed all of her weight on one hip. She wore a red bikini top that held her double d's, and a red thong that exposed her full  hips and robust ass. She wore clear seven inch heels that looked treacherous to walk in, but she made it look effortless. She flipped her long straight hair over her shoulder before saying another word.

"You real pretty. I'm Bambii, with two i's." She smiled faintly. I let her know I thought she was pretty too, and introduced myself with my dancer name. "Giselle- I like that."

"How long you been a dancer?" I asked her. "Two years, you?" 

"This is my first time." I told her. Her eyes widened a little bit, and she put her hand over her chest. "Bless yo' heart, boo." She told me. My eyebrow raised in confusion, and I asked her why she said that. "You in for a world of crazy." She laughed, but I ain't like that response. I was already feeling a way.

Cindy came back into the hallway, and told Bambii she needed to get back out on the floor before the DJ called her name again. "Don't miss your cue, bitch." She told Bambii sternly, who responded with laughter as she walked towards the dressing room. Cindy apologized to me, and guided me down the hallway and back out into the common area. Music permeated my ears heavily and the bass from the loud music vibrated my whole body. The club was busier than when I came in, housing crowds of people from wall to wall. There was a mixture of ratchetness and classiness in the audience; a few men with loud jewelry on were throwing bands of money to two girls on one stage that were shaking ass in their faces, and two girls occupied the other stage across from them doing amazing pole tricks while the same men threw money at them as well. There were some white collared men sitting at the booths in their suits and ties while pretty girls sat with them and talked. Some men were out on the dance floor as women were shaking their asses on them- just as happy as they wanted to be.  Cindy walked me towards the DJ booth, and greeted the short white man enthusiastically while letting him know they had a new girl.