ROTTMNT × M! Depressed Reader

Chapter 04

TW: General loneliness and isolation, disassociating and some mentions of mommy issues since this is basically a shameless self-insert.

You woke up to the almost painful light shining down from your ceiling and almost directly to your eyes, accompanied by your dad's voice. "Wake up! It's 6:30 already!", you groaned and tried to sit up, god you hated school. You had to wake up at 6:15, get dressed, try to find enough energy to walk 30 minutes to school and then sit in a classroom for hours while disassociating and trying to stave off the existencial dread and the feeling your upcoming demise quickly approaching.

Huh, maybe that's why you're failing math, and every other subject. Anyway, you stood up and got out of the comfort of your bed, heading towards the kitchen, quickly snagging your usual energy drink and granola bar combo for breakfast. You got back to your bedroom and finished them both quickly while looking at your wall, emptiness filling up your entire being.

After around two minutes of self-reflecting later, you finally snapped out of it and cursed yourself for getting distracted so easily. You grabbed your phone from it's spot next to your bed and quickly checked your messages, disappointed by the lack of them. You sent a quick good morning text through the Mad Dogs group chat and went to the bathroom.

You once again did your usual morning routine, having to skip the 5 minutes of convincing yourself you're a god. That would probably come back to bite you in the ass. You then went back to your bedroom for the final time, grabbed your phone, keys and backpack and left your house, not without shouting a "GOODBYE!" to your dad.

You finally could relax a bit on your walk to school, it's not like you could do anything else. Plopping on your usual headphones, you started playing your favorite playlist and tried to get in a good mood. Mornings definitely weren't your forte and you always felt pretty shit at the thought of having to seat in a room for hours at a time. Oh, and your lack of friends at school definitely didn't help. It's not like you got bullied or were "too cool" to have friends, you're just extremely socially awkward and not super likeable to be honest.

Actually, how did you even make friends with the guys at the con? You had no fucking clue, guess you feel more confident when surrounded by people you know, that and the fact they seemed to like you. You smiled slightly and checked your phone again, still no response. That kinda saddened your mood a bit but whatever, you'll try to shrug it off.

You saw the school come into view a few minutes later, you sighed for the 500th time that day and made your way in. You headed straight to your familiar classroom, only a few people were there so far, and so you sat down at your table and mindlessly scrolled through your phone for now. God, you somehow hated the time when there weren't any teachers around even more than actual class. Your crippling loneliness hitting you like a slap on the face, you lowered yourself on your seat and tried to make yourself look as small as possible. People probably thought you were a creep, you always felt like everything you did was wrong, like maybe it was your fault you didn't have any friends.

You saw the teacher enter the classroom and took off your headphones, you put them in your bag and turned off your phone. You were trying to fit it in your pocket when it fell to the floor, causing everyone to stare at your direction at the sound. You grabbed it and shoved it in your pocket, your face felt hot from embarrassment and you were starting to panic from the unwanted attention. No one said anything, you took out what you needed for class and immediately covered your eyes with your hands as subtly as you could. You wiped away the tears that fell a moment ago and straightened yourself, you looked around slowly as to not be too obvious and sighed from relief.

It's okay, no one saw you.

You're okay.

Be a man for fucks sake, your mind shouted at you. Yeah, right, man the fuck up. You looked forward, trying to act like nothing ever happened and pay attention to class, or at least disassociate for a while. For the first few minutes you were able to do the first one, actually getting some of the info to stick your brain. For the last half of the class however, your mind quickly went to the turtle men from the convention, damn, you really thought about them way too much. That statement seemed to only be proven even more correct as your mind drifted to the way they looked, or at least how they looked in cosplay. Before you could catch yourself, you felt your hands reaching for a piece of paper and one of your pens, the image of them suddenly seeming even clearer.