Misunderstood

          It's been more than 25 years since that day, a lifetime ago. I seldom think about it anymore. But today, there was something in the air. It was as if I felt her icy hand brush up against my cheek. Something in the morning air that brought me back to that day. The chilly day I will always remember as the day I once again was on my own.

        Splat! The ringing seems to last forever and then everything began to change. I saw it in slow motion. Before the crowds, the sirens and flashing lights. It all came back to me. I was back and as hard as I tried I couldn't close my eyes. I tried to fight it but it was a battle I knew I wouldn't win. I never did.

       At first all I saw was a blur of green and yellow fall from the roof of the old brick building. It might have just been a few seconds but to me it was a lifetime. Those blond locks swayed ever so slowly in the air. Her pale skin although bruised still had a glimpse of beauty underneath her favorite green dress. Hopelessly I continued watching as she plunged down toward the busy street. My heart sank and I couldn't help but try and grab for her. I knew I couldn't help no matter what I did she was slipping from my sight.

"If only I could but glance at her eyes." I thought to myself

      I willed myself to do it. I couldn't let the pain brewing from the depths of my stomach over power me. When at last, our eyes met. How I longed for our connection. I'd been reaching for those faded  blue eyes I'd often mistake for gray. Finally they spoke to me, glowing with the brightest shade of blue possible.

"Don't look at me.", They said.

"I can't.", A timid voice I wouldn't have ever know to be mine said.

"Its too hard." They spoke softly.

"What will I do without you?" I whispered.

A tear glisten from her eye and down her small nose to her perfects lips, "You're different, You'll be okay."

"Don't leave me!", I sobbed.

        She closed her eyes and for the slightest second I saw her warm smile.

"You'll be okay.", She whispered.

"Don't leave me!", I pleaded.

         As quickly as her eyes started glowing they began to fade. Our connection was broken and all I could do was stand paralyzed from fear. I watched as her tiny body hit the ground. Her small thin frame bounced of the cement causing her head to bang once again on the frozen filth covered concrete. There she laid. Her beautiful blond hair was now drenched red with blood and dirty snow.

       I stood there staring in disbelieve. I hoped it was just one of my sick day dreams when finally I snapped out of it. I ran to her as if I could somehow still save her. My heart pounding as fast as a jack hammer as I put my hand on her rosy cheek. As my warm finger tips grazed her frosty skin it all became apparently clear.

      Wiping away all my tears I took a closer look at her. She looked peaceful in her favorite green dress with the white fringe and silver zipper. Her slender legs where wrapped in her infamous gray wool leggings from Korea Town and on her feet her beloved brown boots with the buckles. There was something about her tranquil expression that made me feel better. Like all her pain was gone and she finally was free.

"So many sleepless nights.", I thought.

       She was my light in darkness. She saved my life. She helped me fight. She was my only friend. She stuck by me and taught me to fend for myself. There is no one like her in this cruel world. No more stealing food or sleeping around for a place to sleep. Most importantly no more torment. At least she was able to escape.At least one of us did, I just wish she would have took me with her.

        Horns beeping, sirens blaring, and commotion spread all around me jerking me back to reality. Life went on and people like us just fade away. We never existed and no one cared. At least I could change that for her; I cared.

       The only one left is me in this God forsaken world. Some how I'll make the difference she saw in me come out. I now live not only for me but for her, my dearest Gretchen.

"At last she slumbers." I reassured myself as I walked away never looking back.