The Samurai That I Loved

第45章

Eliza stormed into her upstairs parlor with hurried footsteps and a beating heart. She was shaking convulsively and found herself unable to calm down. It was as if her entire body was tingling like a streak of lightning had just crashed upon her, igniting her from within her very core. She couldn't seem to mentally accept that Shojiro- or Yoru as he went by now- was inside her home, had spoken to her, had dined with her no less. The entire situation was surreal.

Walking towards the French windows overlooking the front courtyard, she gripped the windowpane with white knuckles and dropped her head. Her breathing came out in frantic gusts as she tried desperately not to burst into tears.

His icy stares filled her mind's vision. Those dark depths which she had remembered once filled with shining love and adoration for her, now seemed only able to look right through her with expressionless contempt. The very notion caused her heart to squeeze and twist in agonizing pain.

She clearly remembered the final, awful conversation she had had with him a decade ago. When her young, frightened eighteen year-old self had mercilessly and horribly cast him away. He never knew why, only that she told him she despised him, and had never wanted to lay eyes on him again.

What must he think of her?....Nothing good, she could see that quite plainly. It broke her heart. Nay, devastated her down to the very pits of her scarred, weary spirit. Listlessly, she swallowed down her tears and turned away from the window, walking towards the small cabinet near the fireplace and extracting a glass bottle of brandy.

She uncorked the stopper and downed several gulps before lowering the bottle and coughing. The tears began to spill once more as she slumped against the side of the mantleplace with only the moonlight for visibility, streaming in from the windows. Gripping the bottle in one hand, she reached out to clasp the mantle for extra balance as she uncontrollably burst into gut-wrenching sobs.

Closing her eyes tightly, she allowed herself to unfurl all the many emotions running wild inside her in order to find some sort of level ground of stability. All at once, the door closed softly from behind her. The metallic twist of the lock ominously turned and clicked.

Eliza pivoted quickly to face the intruder, when she suddenly gasped in alarm. The moonlight just barely reflected off his shadowed form standing right in front of the locked door, alone with her inside her private parlor.

"You...why? How?" She breathed out in shaky exhales, hesitantly lowering the bottle to hide it behind her skirts. She couldn't even make out his face, but she knew right away it was him.

"Do you honestly think I would've been here if I knew?" He asked softly within the darkness, not moving a single muscle as he leaned casually against the door. His words prompted Eliza to sniffle and turn her face away, unable to look at him for the pain it caused.

Yoru took that moment to lower his almond eyes to the bottle tucked behind her skirts. A whimsical smile threatened to creep up his mouth, yet he simply lifted his eyes back to her with an unreadable expression. She breathed out a ragged exhale, putting her back to him as she asked quietly over her shoulder,

"What do you want from me?"

"Want?" He repeated darkly, "I suppose I want nothing but a simple answer, Lady Eliza of Dorn."

The way in which he spoke her name caused her to flinch with bitter distaste. Feeling like prey backed into a corner, she lashed out in defiance, "Oh damn you, Shojiro-san!"

"I do not go by that name anymore." He replied calmly.

Turning to face him, she watched in trepidation as he pushed off from the wall and slowly began to approach her with steady footsteps muffled by the carpet.

"Same as you do not go by your own name any longer. We are two different people now. Which brings me to my question." He halted directly in front of her with his hands held behind his back. Little did she know, he was visibly holding back from grabbing her and dragging her into his arms.

She lifted her blue eyes, having to gaze up at him from such close proximity. Her skin felt as if it were burning like hot wax from his close presence and it was all she could do not to collapse.

"It is entirely up to you whether me and my partner stay in this deal or not. Simply say the word and I shall vanish. What do you wish?" He asked as his voice dropped with a low huskiness he had no control over. To his annoyance, Eliza instantly scowled up at him and straightened her shoulders indignantly.

"Why on earth would you leave that decision to me? I matter nothing to you and my husband's work!" She hissed in his face with a quick whisper, her eyes vibrantly alight, revealing her innermost feelings.

Was she being serious? Did she truly believe her own words?

Yoru clenched his jaw in bitter insult before instantly backing her up into the mantle until she was trapped in his arms. Her gasp of alarm as the bottle slipped from her hands onto the floor did not go past him as his hand raised to clasp the side of her face and neck, his fingers burying into her flaming hair as he shot back in her face,

"Why on earth indeed, Eliza-chan. Here you are married off, living in your wealth, gorging on your fine foods and swallowed in silk. You speak like a victim, and for what? The loss of your hand? You have gained everything and yet you act as if you've lost everything, you spoiled little brat." His breath warmed her skin, coated her lips and yet she could only look at him with wild eyes and a closed drawn mouth as he continued heatedly, "You lost your hand. I lost my life, my honor, my home, my family, my name, but above all that, I lost yo-" His voice died out in a choked inhale of air. He suddenly released her and took a fast step back.

Eliza's body and mind were simultaneously alight and inflamed by his passion, his words and his entire being. He drug his hand through his hair then, veering his gaze away from her to the ground with a dark, shadowed expression.

"You would have been killed!" She whispered aloud in the darkness in a desperate attempt of defense. He lifted his head slightly, not looking at her still.

"I had no choice!" She added with a broken plea in her voice.

Yoru immediately chuckled darkly and shook his head. Eliza closed her mouth and drew back with guilt laced across her face. When his eyes rose to meet hers, they were filled with coldness. Softly, he answered, "You always had a choice."

Silence engulfed the room, sapping the energy and leaving a palpable frigidity to the atmosphere. Eliza faced him with red, puffy eyes as the tears began to uncontrollably fall down her face once again to her humiliation. With agonizing heaves of breaths, she attempted to dart around him to escape, however his arm immediately shot out, blocking her path cleanly.

Curling his arm around her waist and easily dragging her up against his chest, he shoved her back up against the mantle. Their breaths mingled in a heavy emotional collision and he pressed his face against hers, feeling her tears coat his cheek like a shared stain of grievance.

"Do you love him?" He whispered between deep breaths while his chest thrummed against hers, the heat of their bodies warming through the material separating them. Eliza nearly burst into sobs as she fought to control her breathing and rapid adrenaline of being held in his arms, feeling his heartbeat against her own.

"No! No!!! Dammit no!!!" She cried out as the sobs tore from her body. His mouth was suddenly directly over hers. He moved slightly as if to kiss her...

But then he hissed beneath his breath in anger as he moved away from her and quickly strode towards the door, leaving her there in her weeping state.

Unlocking it and opening it halfway, he halted and lifted his chin. He turned partly as if he meant to say something else, however he promptly shook his head and vanished from the room, closing the door behind him. Eliza slumped to the floor in front of the fireplace and buried her face into her hands while she tried to stop the horrific sobs that kept tearing from her body all anew.