Bonded

23

Autumn Leaves

'Was it the end? Where did we even stand, after everything?'

||Her||

I'm usually very happy with how I'd built myself but there were parts that made me deem myself as straight-up 'pathetic', 

"Okay, what the fuck is up with you two?!" Soo-Ah burst into my room, the loud sound of the door banging against the wall amplifying my headache. "Soo, softer please!" I pleaded, cringing at the sound of my own feeble voice. Which seemed to have its own effect on Soo-Ah as her face dropped from angry to worried. 

"Are you okay...?" I could only shake my head against the pillow at her question. My head started spinning even more violently, making me wanna just shut the world off. But of course, my gut had a problem with that as well. My stomach violently lurched and somehow, my already stumbling legs carried me to the bathroom to empty whatever was left in my stomach. I could the vibration of Soo-Ah's hurried footsteps close to me, so I didn't flinch when I felt two hands gather my hair behind my head. Tears sprung out of my eyes; a whirlpool of emotions pulling me in. I was tired, sore, sad and my heart and body ached. 

I knew there was only one person who could cure all of this, but right now, I'd rather suffer in silence than go to him. It had 3 full weeks since we had returned from Taiwan and that somehow ended up being the best and worst time of my life; 

I wanted to talk to Namjoon about what I heard and what I saw but somehow, my throat always caught up. I never seemed to find the best words for it, nor the ideal time to bring it up. Everyone was stressed, and everyone was busy. The last thing I wanted to do was add to already the huge pile of stress Namjoon and everyone else had.  But in these weeks, I raged in a mental war with myself while keeping my eyes trained on the woman who was sabotaging my relationship at any given chance. 

Yoon Harin, just another member BTS crew; and I didn't know if this was a recent thing or had she always had the tendency to hover around Namjoon but she did. And every single time I noticed it, my blood boiled! 

I was more furious at that woman than I was at Namjoon. Sure I was disappointed in him, but I was angry at this woman and her two accomplices for trying to sabotage what me and Namjoon had right now. This was why I decided to deal with those 3 before approaching the issue with Namjoon. 

But I too was human, a human with insecurities and thoughts of my own. Amidst all the raging and all the anger, my own lackings somehow found room to come around and fill my thoughts with doubts. And my doubts continue to torment me until he's near. So I cling to him, hold him tighter and hoped that my doubts would wither away like dried autumn leaves. He was mine, for eternity. Then why could I not get over my insecurities?

"You better tell me what's going on Kim Mishil cause this is getting ridiculous!!" Soo-Ah sternly demanded, while basically carrying me to the bed, once I was done rinsing my mouth. Once my body dropped down the mattress, I could finally see the expression that took over her face; this was what I guess was when she found me in my apartment on the night of the concert; the night I was bonded. 

I nodded, not even having the strength to deny her. I knew I couldn't handle this alone. I had enough of Yoon Harin and now it was time to put her in her place. "Can you call the rest of them?" Soo-Ah pursed her lips and walked out of the room; anger radiating off her stance.