The Sky Looks Beautiful.

Stuck.

February 3, Thursday: 4:53pm

I finally get back home after another long day in school. Socializing for too long can really tire me out. I walk upstairs to my room and kick the door open.  

"Shit, I did that a little too strong." I thought to myself. 

I threw my colorful school bag onto my grey carpet and slam my door shut. All of my pent-up frustration was being taken out on my door. Since it's my door I couldn't care less about it. I flop onto my bed, and I turn around to lay on my back facing the ceiling.

Well fuck, this is how all of my emotions and thoughts start to flood over me. 

I start thinking about everything I did and said today. Like did I say anything wrong that could've upset anyone? Did I do anything that could've hurt anyone? Did I end up embarrassing myself in front of my class?

All of these questions and maybe even some harmful ones start to circle around in my head at once. My emotions got the best of me and before I knew it, there was tears running down my face. I was like this for a good 10 minutes until I suddenly got a phone call. 

The name read as 'Mama<3'. I sighed and answered the call. "Hello?" I said while wiping the tears off my face and sitting up. "Are you studying?" She asks. It's like she never asks me anything but that. It's been like that ever since our report cards came out and it has been annoying the fuck out of me.

"I'm just taking a rest, but I'll start in a bit." I responded with slight annoyance.  I waited for a response but instead I got nothing. She ended up hanging up on me. She fucking hung up on me. The actual disrespect of my own mother.

I slapped my phone onto my desk because she pissed me the fuck off even more. I need breaks too but since I'm a first year I should be working hard to get to the top. I have so many years ahead of me and yet she wants me to always be studying and if I'm not studying I should either be sleeping or cleaning. 

I don't have any free time to myself anymore and it really wears me out. What's even worse is that I keep having panic attacks because of all the stress I'm under. But no one needs to know that. All that they need to know is that I'm balanced and that my parents are chill.

I start to cry again. I'm so just so stressed and tired but I can't rest.

All of a sudden but I get another phone call. It was a facetime call. I was about to ignore it until I saw the name. It read as "We need therapy fr". I start to smile a little bit. I may be socially drained, but these people just make my day so much better. No matter how I'm feeling they manage to make me smile anyway. 

I answer the call and the first thing I hear is one of my best friends laughing. I put on my best smile and said, "Hey guys!" They all responded with a "Hi Ren!" Just seeing them on a phone and talking to them is enough to make me happy. Sometimes I wish I had the freedom to go and visit them but I'm just not old enough. It makes me even sadder by the thought of that.