7 things I learnt in high school

9/9:09:03

The Third Lesson - Frugality Is The Antithesis Of Morality

My breath was trembling. I had done this at least six times before but I had a curious feeling that this time would be different to the others. The tarmac on the pavement was boiling.
A black sea. The sun burned at 10 million billion degrees. Yet I was so cold.
This marvellous plan had squashed any sense of goodness I might have once had. I knew it was wrong. I was too far in to stop now.

Adam was waiting behind the fallen cross at the back of the school. It was the sort of place you could find both half-eaten fruit and fresh cigarette ash mingling together. I used to laugh at the abnormality of it all with Joshua.
Now I walked in shame and with a demon on my shoulder. Just a few more steps until the inevitable destination. Is this what it feels like to be in a place without sleep or wakefulness?
I was a shell of a shell now. Two more steps with two legs. Adam was there with the money in his hand.

I nodded to him, smiling. “What’s up man?”
I knew what was up but I said it anyway. He seemed convinced. “You got it?”
He spoke with excitement. I could sense the frogs start to hop up through my trachea into my saliva glands. The phone in my pocket felt like a pipe bomb if you thought about it hard enough.

“I’ll just send it now,” I pushed out of my mouth. Hands were shaking.
Fingertips were itching. I could feel the blisters pulsing. The numbers became hard to type in.
I imagine myself kissing Joshua. I imagine myself betraying him. I see my name written in a history book and the chapter title is TRAITOR.

I heard Adam’s phone vibrate. It sent shivers through the whistling air that turned into lice when they reached my greasy hair. He laughed.
“Score mate, these are good,” Adam said.
He handed me two dirty ten pound notes. I scrunched them up as if they were a scrap of paper with a rude word on it. My pocket was an abyss of guilt.

“What’re you gonna spend the dosh on J?” Adam asked. I inhaled in short bursts.
“Probably just Monster or some shit like that,” I replied. He looked unconvinced even though it was true.
“Get yourself some bread mate. You look like a skeleton.” He walked away.

HUNGRY

I had to chew my fingertips to stop myself from crying up all of the food I’d eaten that day. I couldn’t do this anymore. My mind can’t take it.
All these bad thoughts. This voice, kissing me with words and ideas.
It was always there but never this loud. I wandered the halls like a ghost for the rest of the day, preaching the same thing over and over in my head:

Life does not consist in abundance of material wealth, and those who have a love of having are punished.