Silhouette birds

The Wall

I stare at the wall.
What have I gotten myself into?
I used him to distract myself, but I just ruined what we had. We were going good, we were going great. But of course I always have to ruin things. I never really liked Loster, but I really liked Hao that's why it hurt so much when I found out.

I can't even walk past him without feeling regret and longing smothering any other logical human emotions.
I made things so awkward, so horrible. I can't help it that I get bored and move on. I've loved Hao since I started school, and I haven't stopped yet.

Until one day I finally pulled together the courage to talk to him, it was only online but still a drastic improvement.
I started off with, "Do you hate me?" I've heard the rumours people have told me. He gave an unconvincing, "No why?" then we went off track talking about random things and funny small talk I kept dropping hints. He wasn't taking a bit of it.
Disappointing.
We carried on talking. Please don't be friend zoned I'm thinking.
I love him too much.

The next day I wake up to the daunting sound of my alarm on my phone, a teenagers worst nightmare. I don't want to wake up but I have to do it.
I'm the head girl at my school your typical goody two shoes. Smart, sporty, sweet, social.
But there is more to me than what meets the eye.
I am a depressed self harming insomniac who is beyond any therapist's skills.
And nobody knows.

I have to look after my little sister in the morning, since both mum and dad have to go to work early. We live in a nice house with no financial debt, however they still want to work long hours incase things turn bad again.

Variel is a devil child compared to me. Maybe there is more to her than meets the eye too.
She's always getting into trouble at school having great difficulty controlling that firey temper of hers. She isn't very intelligent either, she suffers from both dyslexia and adhd she's strange but she's the only reason I'm here today.

Her school is on the way to mine so I drop her off and she says good bye and runs into the school gate. She's an amazing runner one of her few talent
She likes to think that she's very independent and responsible even though she's only nine, and she also likes to cook our family meals every once in a while.
I carry on walking until I reach the school.
We live in a small cute town were everyone knows everyone but our school is huge.
My heart stops..