Love. (A Louis Tomlinson Fanfic)

Chapter 18

♫when you love someone, but it goes to waste♫

Chapter 18. 🌺

(LOUIS' POV)

My head hurt from thinking to hard. I'd just replied to a text from Zayn, who had correctly interpreted my feelings for Amber. Kind of. He didnt know that I love her. My mind was going a mile a minute, as I contemplated Zayn's advice. He said to make a move...but I cant! It's for her own f*cking safety, god dammit! I couldnt bear to see her hurt by the media and fans. I couldnt do that to her. Amber's strong. Like a warrior. But she's also fragile. A Warrior princess with a heart of glass. The only thing I wanted right now was to have that heart. Have her love me.

But that was a silly wish.

As ive said so many times before...i can never have her. If I truly love her...ill protect her. And if I protect her, I cant let her be exposed to the hate that comes along with loving me. She wouldn't love me anyway. I'm just a 5 year old boy in a 21 year old body. She'll want a man to take care of her. A real man. I let out a sigh an collapsed onto the couch. I could me her man. I'd be a man for her. Set aside my silliness-just for a little bit, whenever it was required ya'know? She was worth being serious.

I wanted her to know that my love for her was in no way a joke.

.....

I can't deal with this.

I buried my head in the nearest couch cushion and let out an involuntary groan. Why couldn't love be easy? I've fallen in love with a girl I can't have, and who'll never want me. Dear lord.

*knock knock knock*

"LOUIS, open the bus door!" A familiar Bradford accent demanded. Zayn's back. Which means Amber's back too. Swallowing hard, I edged towards the door as if a murderer would be standing behind it.

"Hi Zayn, Amber." I greeted slowly as they walked in. Well, Zayn walked in. Amber skipped in. That was one of the many things I loved her for. She was so carefree and...flowy. Don't judge me. I don't know how else to describe her.

"Loooouuuiiiissssss you hungry?" She asked with a smile, heading towards the kitchen. I managed a smile and a nod, as he disappeared to make some food.

"Louis mate, seriously. Your love stuck. Do something about it." Zayn muttered to me, before going of to join Niall, Harry and Liam. I think they were doing a twitcam. I don't know. I was to absorbed in my own misery. 'Fix you' by Coldplay was stuck in my head, too. Harry had been playing it earlier and the lyrics were kinda relatable. It at least, one line was for me. 'When you love someone, but it goes to waste...' Zayn didn't understand. No one did. I can't be with Amber. Our fans would most likely hate on her nonstop. I couldn't risk her breaking. But my walls were quickly crumbling down, and I was being selfish. I wanted her for myself. I don't know how long I can hold out before I'll just forget everything and full on declare my love for her. Arg. Life is so hard.

Letting out another groan, I buried my head into the pillow again an tried to drown out the world. That strategy worked for a while, until Amber called.

"Boys! I made you all dinner!" what's that? Oh, just the rapid beating of my heart because the girl I love is literally RIGHT THERE. Oh my god. I'm slowly caving. I need her to be mine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

LOUIS has a lot of mental debates lately. Poor guy. ANYHOW how was your day? Mine was alright. I was compared to Louis himself by my friend, who said I was 2 crazy for my own good. Thank you, I try I try ;) HAPPY BIRTHDAY if its your birthday anytime soon. Yup. K bye. ~Aimee :) xx