A Chance for Normalcy

CHAPTER 33; one look

It's been a year since that dreaded day. 365 days since the knife pierced through my abdomen not only killing me, but my sense of happiness. My sense of normalcy. Things were just starting to fall into place when like leaves on trees in the wind things started to fall apart. But somehow I survived. I survived. My baby survived. The only casualty to my little family was my marriage. Kicker, my husband Max didn't even die. No, he left – no abandoned – us on the other side of the world, cutting off all communication. It's taken some time, but I've adjusted to life without him. Besides I've got a new man in my life now.

307 days. New Year's felt like the appropriate time to appoint a new head of the empire. While I didn't give up complete power and control; I knew the day-to-day operation was better left in the hands of my former head of security Sebastian. New Year. New Management. A fresh start. Daniel and I watched as the ball dropped at midnight, and while the pain of our losses never left us it did give us hope for a new beginning.

263 days. 263 days since Valentine's Day. Since emotions and a lot of alcohol on Daniel's part got the best of us and we kissed. Call it loneliness. Call it desperation. Call it whatever you want. But neither of us liked it and it hasn't happened again.

262 days. 262 days since I took my engagement ring off. I've almost tossed it into the ocean a few times, but something always stops me. It now lives in a small box along with my wedding ring in my gun safe. The note Max left me with underneath.

248 days. 248 days since Daniel and I moved back to Monaco. We moved into my apartment together, neither of us wanting to be alone. He's taken my old room and I've taken the old guest room. The nursery set up across the hall in the old office. I still fly back to England often, just making sure everything is running smoothly. I may have handed over control, but I have problems letting go. Clearly.

200 days. 200 days since I found out it was a boy. A son. I was hesitant to find out the sex, but after a lot of nagging from Daniel and general curiosity, I caved. We cried at the ultrasound appointment and got blue gelato afterwards to celebrate.

160 days. 160 days since the Monaco Grand Prix where I watched from the balcony of my apartment as the cars drove by quickly. Watching on TV the rest of the race, and Face Timing with Charlotte in between sessions. It was hard not to be there and even harder to see Max on the TV. Hear his voice. But knowing he made his decision when he left. I wasn't going to grovel after him. I had enough male friends in my life with the other drivers I knew my son wouldn't grow up missing out. I wasn't going to lie to my son either. If he asked where his father was I would tell him. That his father loves him but was busy racing fast cars across the world.

126 days. 126 days since my baby shower. All of the other driver's showed up with gifts and promises of nothing but love for this kid. All except the one whose DNA contributed to my son's formation. I texted Max about it. I've texted him about all of the important events just so he knows. But I've never gotten an answer. Pretty sure I'm blocked at this point or dead. I secretly hope the latter.

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"The ladies of the Formula One paddock," Carlos announces as you and Charlotte head out the back door of Dimitri's house. A picnic set up in the back yard. Everyone claps in support. You look around the table and smile seeing familiar faces, Lewis, Lando, Mick, Alex, George, Charles, and Pierre all smiling back at you.

"Pretty sad guys, twenty guys, and all you've got to show for it is one girlfriend, and a pregnant ex." You say laughing going to sit next to Daniel.

"We're trying here okay." Lando says and everyone laughs. You're thankful that no one brings up Max they're more concerned with how you're doing after everything that happened.