Its been 8 days , the worst of the downs have passed. I've skipped too many days of uni. The professors are concerned. I just wish I can feel at baseline. The waves of of the manic episode from the morning are starting to subside and I've finally have half the brain and the enrgy to take my antipsychotic dose tonight. Im a fucking dumbass. I keep forgetting to take my dose for the past month ofcourse i'd cycle again stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.
Tomorrow is valentines , ive made this pathetic wire twist charm for him. Ive planned out to make a crochet bouquet, but the downs really killed that plan. I feel like im sucking all the energy and life out of him im sorry. Im sorry for existing.
Maybe I'll have to retake another semester like a dumbass. Maybe i'll end up and commit. My psychiatrist is on a medical leave so I cant contact her. I've been talking to the hotlines today to get everything out. Make the pain feel less present. Maybe thats why im venting on wattpad , an app I abandoned when I was 14.
I feel like im underwater. I dont want to feel pain anymore.
