Steered by the Time: 200 Days of Suicide

1.

For better clarity, this is some necessary information to increase your understanding of the world.

-People who have transmigrated from another world are from our earth in the 15th century so for them, this world was rather advanced due to which even after the passing of hundred years of their assimilation in this world, no dramatic technological changes have taken place.

-All beings live only in 2/5 of the world as the other 2/5 is covered by ocean and rocky outcrops unsuitable for habitation and the remaining lies in the west, which is avoided for evident reasons. Only one currency is accepted in all places despite the existence of several empires: Zin. 

-AD here is used in the perspective of transmigrated human sense only who greatly helped this world in building a proper calendar though the basis of AD here is based on when the First Great War occurred, responsible for the establishment of Three Order Kingdoms.

-Dryads -Tree/ Nature spirits 

1796 AD

Why does happiness exist? Is it simply a desirable state for the organism to act in the most purposeful manner or so it is thought for its very existence implies the negation of sadness leading to another question about the undesirability of sadness again. Questions after questions followed by answers, if even there, ubiquitous in a chain of never-ending cheap tapestry convoluted words, only worth endearing for a logophile.

The compulsion to just be in the moment to even sustain oneself for the nether of a second is born out of this realization yet that compulsion is anything but supreme. Time and again, it fails to exercise its binding effect leading to dissociation, depression, anxiety, etc.  When those who have already passed half the remainder of their lifespan, well capable of acting on their rational will fall into this ever-present spawn of existential crisis, it would be nothing short of trusting the integrity of fanatic's evidence from a being who suddenly finds itself in the world for the first time.

Her back rested against the charcoal greyish tree, devoid of any more fruit to bear, yet still retaining its dignity by providing a yellow shade to the unexpected visitor. Her eyes, luminous gold, untainted from the vile wretches like the newborn baby moved here and there, lured by every scent in the air, every sight flashing on her iris, every sound that reached her ears.  Bark, skies, clouds, birds, green lush enveloping the forest, the dried yellow leaves, about to give in hanging on the branches above her, the hard brick-like surface covered with the light yellow dust, barely held together by the dry grasses around it all fascinated her. 

She had no awareness regarding herself, yet she could feel something inside her as she felt it all through her senses, acting on their own whether by instinct or something else, nothing to be found in her memory which had only started forming now.  She felt indecisive as to how she felt for several reasons, being that she wasn't aware of any such process of thinking and feeling and she hadn't moved an inch yet from her spot (which could be construed in a sense as her birthplace) and had enough information or experienced any other feeling yet to judge it.

She was abstracted from common awareness, from society, and thus naturally from inevitable bias as a consequence of being born in a place. In the very instant second after the birth, the baby's unconscious is flashed with the scene of the immediate environment and certain persons. As short and trivial as the affair might be, the bias is already in process of settlement. Furthermore, it is anything but inevitable to develop such bias even more so when the parasite lives inside a body for around nine months and retains awareness for the 1/3rd of the period.

She remained abstracted from this very stage of conception and laid amidst trees, untampered by the human perception in any manner. Yet, just like any other human, she felt a heavy thumping inside her, an allusion to the fear in all human beings motivating them to socialize with one another. She had all the faculties akin to a human from legs to arms, from senses to consciousness. Anyone could have told her at the very first glance that she is ready to walk.