Heartful Whispers

Kabanata 18

Trigger Warning: Self Harm

Parang ayaw ko nang tapusin ang pagwawalis.

I'm afraid to be confronted about my feelings. Ayaw kong matanong pero hindi naman ako magaling magtago. I never thought I'll be easy to get this.. feeling when I like someone. 

Palihim ko siyang sinulyapan habang mabagal na iniipon ang natitirang kalat sa dustpan. My shoulders almost hopped when I saw him watching me. Mariin akong napapikit. I'm too embarassed to admit anything!

He immediately went to me as soon as I finished. Hindi ko siya matignan kaya diniretso ko na lang ang tingin sa bag kong nasa balikat niya. I reached for it at binigay niya naman agad. I'm very much aware of his stare which made me more concious.

Lahat yata ng alikabok ay nasa akin na. Maluwag na rin ang nakaclamp kong buhok.

"You're still beautiful."

Gulat akong napatingin sa kanya. I feel my cheeks getting hot so I masked it with irritation. Inirapan ko siya at nilagpasan.

"Coli, let's talk. Are you mad at me?"

"Hindi."

Nasabayan niya na ang paglalakad ko. I glanced at him quickly. Nakayuko siya at binasa ang labi. Is he.. in pain?

Now, I feel guilty. Hindi na nga maayos ang kalagayan niya..

Bahala na. I care for him. If I can't hide it when I'm upset then I can't hide it, too when I'm worried.

I swallowed hard. "M-May masakit sa'yo?"

Nakanguso siyang tumango.

Tumigil ako sa paglalakad at hinarap siya. I carefully touched his injured arm and looked at him. "Masakit pa rin?"

Imbis na sumagot ay unti unti siyang ngumiti.

"Bati tayo?"

"May masakit sa'yo?" I said ignoring his question.

"Wala po. Bati tayo, Coli?"

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin at nagpatuloy sa paglalakad. I felt him touching my bag again.

"Can I explain?"

"Anong ipapaliwanag mo?"

"Melarie asked me if I'm okay.." he said slowly. Sinisilip niya ang mukha ko. I glared at him.

"Can I continue?"

Hindi ako sumagot.

"I said yes. She told me if we can go have dinner together.."

I feel like he stopped on purpose kaya nilingon ko siya.

"There.." he said in a relaxed tone.

Tinagilid niya ang ulo at nanghihinang ngumisi.

"You know I only like you, right?"

All the butterflies in my body celebrated. Hindi ko makapa ang kahit anong salita. I can just feel the loud thumping beats of my heart and the coldness of the gust of wind. His hair was disturbed by the wind making him close his eyes. I voluntarily stared at him, taking my time to admire him.. but no longer in secret.

Ang nagkukulay kahel na langit ang umudyok sa akin na umamin sa sarili ko. Na hindi lang basta pagkagusto itong nararamdaman ko.

"H-Hindi mo kailangang sabihin iyan.." mahina kong wika.

"No, Coli. I don't want you wondering if I really like you. I don't want you thinking other girls still have a chance to be with me. I want you to feel secured that I'm only yours."