DRAYA MATEI: SEPTEMBER, 1973
Draya had never really liked Caliban. It was one of those stupid school crushes where you saw somebody in the hallway and thought they were cute. She never expected it to go any further than that.
And, in all honesty, she'd almost forgotten all about Caliban when her father died. For a moment, when the doctor told her and her mother that he had taken his last breath, her whole world felt as if it were collapsing.
Without her father, she was alone with her mother. Her mother had full decision over her life. If Irini wanted her homeschooled, she'd be homeschooled. If Irini wanted to discipline her, Irini could discipline her.
Every aspect of her life was about to become malleable to her mother's waiting hands.
So yeah, she'd pretty much forgotten he existed. Even when she boarded the train and was forced to sit with Leonie and the Judas Society kids (Sviat was there, but Draya expected that much). Even when she was in the Great Hall, sitting with the Judas Society kids. Even when she snuck out of her dorm the first night back, tears streaming down her face as she stumbled to the Astronomy tower; she didn't think about Caliban.
Not until the door was opening and she was scrambling to hide, attempting to erase every sign of upset from her face. Not until she made direct eye contact with him.
One thing Caliban Leatherwood wasn't, was shocked. No matter what happened, Caliban never looked shocked.
Except for right now. He was stiff, standing up perfectly straight and staring into her bloodshot eyes.
"Matei."
The simple word punched Draya's breath out of her chest. Ruined her resolve completely. The one word, her last name, broke her down to nothing.
She choked on her breath, trying desperately to get ahold of herself. She pushed herself off of the floor, not bothering to dust herself off as she headed for the door.
A step towards her, a hand outreached, and then a quick: "Wait!" and she was suddenly rooted in her spot. A few steps away from the door.
"I'm tired, Leatherwood." Draya tried, her voice giving out halfway through her sentence.
"Why are you sitting with them?" Caliban questioned, his gaze piercing on her. Making her panic. Reminding her of her mother. Frightening her.
"With who?" Draya let out swiftly, avoiding his gaze. Burying her panic far into her stomach. Letting it fester.
"The Judas Society kids." Caliban elaborated, his voice accusing. Reminding Draya of Leonie. "Sviat said you said with them on the train."
"So?" Draya threw her hands up defiantly, trying to put space between her and the danger Caliban posed. "Fuck—"
"Hey—"
"Get away from me—" She breathed out harshly, sticking her arms out as far as they would go and pushing herself against the door.
"Okay—" Caliban started, glancing behind him and stepping back.
"Get—" She choked on her words, reaching a hand up to her chest and feeling the panic claw at her throat and tighten her muscles. I can't breathe, she thought, I can't breathe. Help me. Help me. Help me.
"Draya," Caliban voiced, reaching towards her and backing away when she flinched. "Hey, you're freaking out—"
A small sob broke through her panic, and her legs felt like ash. Static holding up her body.
"Draya," Caliban's voice felt different. Less panicked. Less threatening. Softer, more inviting, protecting. "Hey, you need to breathe."
I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. I'm going to die.
Caliban moved closer again, reaching for her hand. The one dangling at her side, not the one clutching at her chest. "I'm going to touch you."
I can't breathe, I can't breathe, I can't breathe—
Caliban put her hand against his chest, looking at her and taking in a deep breathe. She felt the tears on her cheeks and felt embarrassed, but couldn't think of anything past I can't breathe. I'm going to die.
"Breathe with me, yeah?" Caliban was borderline whispering and she had to focus past the static in her head to hear him. "In," and she felt her hand raise as he sucked in a deep breath. "Hold." His voice sounded strained. "Out." The air left him slowly, controlled. She did not follow.
He repeated it anyway. Breathing in, holding it, and breathing out.
And slowly, through the motions, Draya felt the static drain from her. She felt the panic leave her. She felt his chest under her hand. She felt her chest under her hand. She felt her legs shaking.
"Sit—" Draya choked on the dehydration running rampant in her throat. "I need— I need to sit—"
"Okay," Caliban nodded softly, his voice small in a way it never was. He sat directly down. She followed his example.
"Breath with me some more, yeah?" Draya nodded, staring at him intently. Using him as a lifeline, keeping her hand on his chest.
In, hold, out. For so many minutes that Draya lost count, and eventually her hand left his chest.
"What—" Caliban's brows furrowed, and he seemed as if he were trying hard to be gentle about the subject. "What scared you?"
Draya's face scrunched up, and she faced the wall instead of Caliban. "You."
He deflated, and Draya tried to find it in her drained body to feel bad. "What did I do?"
"Remind me of my mum." Her words were whispered, shameful. Remind me of Leonie went unsaid, because she was far too ashamed to be afraid of her best friend.
"I'm sorry," Caliban whispered, and she heard his body shuffle. "Can I ask why now?"
"My dad died." Draya mumbled, letting her head fall onto her knees. The response sounded out of place, sounded as if it didn't fit at all. But it made enough sense to her.
"So you have to sit with them?" Caliban frowned, and Draya felt his gaze intently on her.
Draya let her eyes well up, nodding softly.
"...does it upset you?" Caliban whispered, sounding closer than before.
Draya nodded quickly, needing him to understand. Needing him to get it. Needing him to know that she wasn't like them.
"It's okay," Caliban mumbled, "Sviat doesn't like them either."
"He doesn't have to hangout with them." She didn't have the energy to keep the jealousy out of her voice. "If mum even finds out— if she even finds out I speak to Maeena or Dazai—" Draya stopped suddenly, sniffling once and staying silent.
"I'm sorry." He sounded so sincere that Draya couldn't even snap that she didn't want his pity. She could only close her eyes and whisper a soft:
"Yeah, me too."
After that night, Draya and Caliban seemed more... acquainted than before. And she realized that he had the potential, really had the potential, to capture her heart if he acted the way he did that night more often.
( wrote this at 1 am & never looked over it again -clique )
