Emergent

Not Yourself

I caress Tobias's sleeping face. His eyes flutter open.

"Hi," I say.

"Hey."

"Feeling better?"

"Not at all."

"Tobias. I wish you would talk to me about it. It's been two week."

"I'm not ready to talk about it."

I kiss his head. "Tobias."

"Beatrice."

I sigh. "What do you want for breakfast?"

"Doesn't matter."

"Eggs and bacon it is."

He gives me a small smile and I kiss him.

I get up and walk to the kitchen.

*•*•*•*•

"I just wish he would talk to me about it. I wish he'd be a little more open," I say in frustration and take a swig of my drink.

"Men aren't as open as women," Christina tells me.

She had a point. When we had first got her... When we first got here. It feels like ages ago. Though everything like so long ago. Dying but then not really dying. Everything has taken a toll on me.

But when we first got here Tobias- er, Four, made it his duty to be the tough but honorable instructor while Eric was more on the hardcore instructor. 

"I realize that but seeing him like that hurts me. He was trying to save me from not feeling like that and it happened to him.... Oh my goodness. It's all my fault. If I hadn't been so stubborn and--"

"Tris it's not your fault. You just feel bad that he's shut you out and this is how you are coping."

"I have to get back home. Tobias is watching Raven so..."

"Yea. I get it."

*•*•*•*

"Tobias, I'm home," I say.

I walk to the living room and scream.

Tobias runs over. "Tris what's wrong?"

I point to the middle of the floor. "There."

He looks exactly where I'm pointing. "I don't see anything."

"There Tobias!"

"What?"

"That dead body."

He looks into my eyes. "Beatrice. There is no dead body there."

I know when Tobias is lying and, right now, he was not.

"But there is! It's right there."

"Beatrice. What have you been drinking?"

I keep looking at the mangled dead body. I want to clothes my eyes but then again. I don't. The face. It looks so familiar. My stomach begins to churn.

"Beatrice! Look at me!"

I tear my eyes away from the atrocity and meet his dark blue eyes.

"What have you been drinking?" He asks.

"I drink water down by the pit."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!"

I look back at the body. I can't keep my eyes off it. It almost look like... 

"Don't look at it Tris!" Tobias yells.

"Oh my goodness. Am I dying?"

"No. You're not dying. Let me call Caleb."

"Tobias I'm scared."

"I know. We'll figure it out okay?" 

I keep staring at the body. I can't stop. It looks like... But why would it be him? It doesn't make sense. Is this... Please. 

No.