Brothers (they are the worst)

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moving on. third to oldest, Rowen.

he's secretive. he used to never tell anyone anything about his struggles. that doesn't mean he was quiet, though. he was the one that argued the most with my brothers. he didn't talk to me. he ignored me.

he was fresh. he would talk back to his teachers, our parents. basically everyone. he didn't give a   fuck about that "respect your elders" bullshit.

he was tough. he was always right in the arguments. he knew when your lying. he knew how to fight. he defends his family sometimes.

he was hiding something. something serious. something weird. something that was hurting him inside. i wasn't joking when i said most of my family self harmed some point in their life. he would punch walls to feel pain. he would scream whenever he was really angry. he would get into fights, knowing that he will get hurt. sometimes he would cut himself.

there was one thing that was seemed odd. he didn't like people touching him without notice. i mean, nobody really does. but this was different. he would literally fight you if you did touch him. after he was done yelling at you or fighting you, he would cry silently somewhere where nobody could see him. most people just tell them to stop and shrug it off. how do i know? i did it once. it was just his hand. it was an accident, too.

he used to be a good kid. he used to follow the rules. he used to avoid fights. he used to be doing well in school. he used to stay calm when he was angry. something changed him, and it was bad. we didn't know what until a couple years later. it was going on for years. i remember when we did find out.

we were going out to eat at a restaurant. it was after a family reunion, the same one where Mike ran away crying from my father. during the reunion, he was with our first cousin once removed (or just our uncle), on my moms side. i didn't see him most of the time, they were inside. when it was finally time to go, i had to go tell Rowen. he was in our uncle's bedroom, playing games with him. he looked relieved when i said it was time to go.

anyways, back to the restaurant. he didn't want to eat anything. that was unusual, he usually ate a lot. my father was suspicious. he asked why "he was so blue". he didn't answer. my father said that he needed some time. he ordered something anyway. he only ate a few bites. my father was mad at him for wasting food, but dropped it anyway.

my mom was worried. she didn't want him to feel sad. while the family was talking, he was just looking down. he didn't want to talk. he was usually a talkative person. my mom and dad exchanged looks. my dad was sitting next to him and touched his shoulder. he jumped and pushed dad away. everyone, including me, was shocked.

he realized what he did and apologized. he wasn't the one to apologize a lot. we all got suspicious. my mom asked if anything happened. he quickly shook his head. he was hiding something. he asked if he could go to the bathroom. my dad said that he will go with him. Rowen said that it is okay, but my dad insisted.

then, Rowen said he didn't want to use the bathroom. something was definitely wrong. my mom said that something happened and that he needed to tell us. he was silent. he then said that nothing happened to him and that he's fine. nobody believed him. my mom reached out for his hand. my brother slapped her. my dad started yelling at Rowen. my mother was crying and was confused. he realized what he did and started crying. he didn't mean to hurt his own mother.

he was scared. he wanted help, but he couldn't say anything. our uncle told him not to. everyone calmed down and tried to comfort Rowen. they were trying to make him spit it out. he started crying. he said "he told me not to tell anyone. it's just a game". my dad asked who it was.

he stayed quiet. my mother started crying again. me and my brothers were confused as hell. what was going on? my dad asked who again, but louder. my dad was choking on his tears. my brother muttered something. my dad told him to repeat it and Rowen finally said it.

"uncle Mick has been touching me...for years." Rowen said while crying.

"since i was 7. he said it was a game. i didn't realize it was bad until i was 13." Rowen said.

"i'm sorry i didn't tell you guys earlier." Rowen apologized.

we were all in shock. my father had to get out of the room. it was too much for him to process. Rowen looked guilty. everyone felt bad for him. we tried to comfort him but he declined our sympathy.

after that, he isolated himself from everyone in the family. we gave him his space. luckily, he didn't try to kill himself. he was ashamed. he was ashamed that he didn't fight our uncle. he's ashamed that he didn't know that it was bad sooner. he was ashamed because he was a boy and he got raped.

i'm glad he had the bravery to tell us.

i'm glad that he's alive today.