Drowning Beneath The Waves

Chapter 15

I didn't get out of bed the next day or the next, alternating between insomnia and exhaustion. When I slept, my nightmares were plagued with sadness and pain. I kept seeing the ghosts, hearing those words.

The worst part of it all? I was starting to believe them. I had tried my hardest to block them out—I really had—but I just couldn't. The poison had infected my mind and my heart. I truly believed I didn't deserve to be happy. On the third day, I had just woken from one such nightmare—pale and shaking—when I heard a knock on my suite door.

The echo of the ghosts' words lingered, but I took a deep breath. "Come in," I called out. I slowly pushed myself up to a sitting position, realizing belatedly that I was still wearing the same outfit I'd worn three days ago—the last time I'd left my suite.

I heard the door open and close a moment later. I knew I'd have to eventually explain what had happened—I just didn't know how. "Faye? It's Drew."

My heart clenched as I swam out to greet my brother. He met my eyes, his own filled with concern and worry. "How are you?" The words were soft, tentative. I could all but feel the worry radiating from him.

I swallowed hard. "I feel like I'm drowning," I answered honestly. It was the only way to adequately describe what I was feeling. In every aspect of my life—mentally, emotionally, and physically.

He nodded, inclining his head to my sitting room. I swam inside, collapsing onto the couch. "Does this have anything to do with what happened two days ago?"

Images flashed through my head, almost too fast for me to identify. The ghosts. Drew catching me as I faltered. Seeing the shocked and worried faces of my family. I swallowed hard as Jonah's face joined the images.

Now, considering the toll—mentally, emotionally, and physically—the past few days had had on me, you'd think the exhaustion would be enough to mute the Siren Song. I flinched when I heard the all-too-familiar lyrics. Despite not having heard the tune in quite some time—years, come to think of it—I still somehow knew every word.

Drew was still talking, but I had stopped hearing him. All I heard were the lyrics, the tune snaking through me.

Sister Siren, we call to thee
Join us now, cross the seas
Heed our call, be the voice
Take the vow; make the choice

My breath hitched as the tune faded, avoiding eye contact with my brother. He was looking at me, concern in his eyes. "Faye? Is everything okay?"

I didn't answer. I was frozen. My heart was beating frantically against my rib cage, almost as if it was trying to escape. It wasn't fear that coursed through me, nor was it dread; it was almost as if my body, despite the lack of emotion, had sensed a threat and was trying to warn me.

I pulled on my cloak, taking a shaky breath as I slid my hands in the pockets. As I did, however, a scrap of paper on the table in front of the couch caught my eye. I supposed that I'd been so preoccupied with the Siren Song that I'd merely dismissed it as nothing. My hands shook as I picked it up, my heart in my throat as I read the words scrawled in a familiar hand.

Faye, I'm so sorry. I thought I could fix everything. But I messed up. I know it's cowardly, saying goodbye via a note, but I couldn't bear seeing you in person. I hope you know that I love you. Please forgive me.

Unsurprisingly, there was no signature, but I knew who it was from. My breathing turned rapid and shallow as my brain tried to put the pieces together—how someone was able to get into my suite without my notice; how they were able to get Jonah to make such a deal—

The world tilted, my heart slamming to a halt in my chest. I flashed back to what felt like years ago—but in reality had only been a few weeks. Sitting in the dining hall and hearing the faint sound of singing; seeing Kailani and wondering how she got into the palace in the first place; finally noticing the too-wide grin on her face, the unnatural brightness of her eyes.

I couldn't breathe as I recalled her gripping my shoulder and spinning me around, the tip of her dagger drawing a thin line of blood across my neck as it'd broken the skin. She'd spoken softly, loud enough for me and me only to hear. Shivers ran down my spine as I heard her voice in my head, describing for me in detail how she'd become a Siren, her connection to Jonah and Mira. My heart thudded loudly in my chest when I heard my own voice, chastising her for joining her.

Hearing her pick apart my flaws one by one; the lack of emotion I'd expressed and realizing the reason why: that a part of me would always blame myself for our birth father's death, always scold myself for not reacting faster. Even though everyone—Drew, our parents, Waverly—would try to convince me otherwise, Kailani had done the one thing that I'd sworn I would never let happen to me.

I had let her get in my head, gain access to my deepest insecurities, my deepest fears. The things that I'd never admitted to anyone. The note clenched into my fist, I swam at breakneck speed to Jonah's suite, pausing in front of his door.

Part of me foolishly hoped that he would open the door with a sad smile, brushing off my concerns and reassuring me that he wasn't going anywhere. That Kailani had failed in her attempt to break me. But as the thought crossed my mind, the voices started up again. "Jonah," I started, my voice hoarse.

I cleared my throat, raising my hand to knock. "Jonah, it's Faye. Can I come—"

Words, as well as my voice, failed as the door suddenly cracked open. My fist had just barely brushed against it, so it must have already been open. I stared openmouthed at the empty suite, eyes wide. Emphasis on empty: everything, every piece of furniture, every possession, was gone. Even the wallpaper had been stripped. It was bare. Cold.

I brokenly swam inside, numb. Despite everything I'd experienced—the grief, the depression, the trauma—since meeting Jonah, I'd actually allowed myself to imagine a future with him. Away from Kailani and Mira, from the word Siren altogether.

I clutched my chest, feeling as if my heart had been ripped out. It was a testament to how bad I'd let it get when I didn't even shed a tear, didn't let a sob loose. I didn't even hear the murmur of low voices, growing louder as they approached me. "Faye?" Dad bent down, gently touching my cheek.

I didn't even flinch. Didn't even look up from where I was staring at Jonah's note still clenched in my fist. Had it really only been two days ago that he'd held me in his arms? Murmured soothing words as he'd stroked my hair?

I barely felt the hands on my shoulders and arms, pulling me up off the floor. Drew placed a steadying arm around my shoulder, holding me up. Mom and Dad exchanged glances, the former moving behind me and placing a warm hand on my back while the latter moved to my other side and gripped my hand.

"It's okay, sweetheart," Dad said softly, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. "We've got you."

The words didn't register in my head. Nothing did—not even the sensation of his lips on my hair. I didn't—couldn't—feel anything. Everything—every emotion, every feeling—had vanished the minute I'd read Jonah's note.

"He's gone," I said, my voice void of any and all emotion. I heard Mom gasp behind me, but didn't see the heartbroken glance she exchanged with Dad. Nor did I see Drew's gaze fasten on the note still clenched in my fist. He swam out in front of me, slowly—gently—prying my fist open and grabbing the note.

I didn't move as the note left my hands. Didn't so much as look up when Drew, the note now clenched in his fist, wrapped his arms around me. "Oh, Faye," he whispered, voice filled with grief. "I'm so, so sorry." Like Dad, he pressed a kiss to the top of my head.

We left the suite in a daze, the swim back to my own seeming to take an eternity. I floated in the middle of the entryway, frozen. After a quick, hushed conversation between the three of them, Mom and Dad left, the latter closing the door behind them. My brother swam to me, took my hand. Led me to my bedroom.

He gently eased me into the bed, pulled the covers over me. "You need to sleep, Faye," he said softly. "I'm not going anywhere."

I didn't want to close my eyes, didn't even want to entertain the idea of sleeping. Because I knew the minute I closed my eyes, I'd see Jonah. Hear his voice. Against my will, however, my eyes slowly drifted shut, numbness and exhaustion pulling me under.

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