TW; ED, ALCOHOLISM, SUCIDAL IDEATION
- 2/15/2023
Holy shit omg LMFAO I forgot we had this book of us just venting we neve r posted it though but I genuinely need a space to talk because I am so close 😧😧 like literally I have never felt worse in my entire life what th fuck
So where should I start UHHH so my step mom thiught it would be so funny to kick me out so yk THAT WAS GREAT and then she gave me a cup of wine and boy, I went to town and had like 10 cups of wine and then downed a bottle of Malabo Xoxo 💋 yeah
So then I h I just kinda stopped eating now, it's been awhile . I'm failing all my classes and I might drop out and just get a GED because I seriously am going to kill myself if I stay in school anymore I, having several flashbacks a day and I don't know what to do
I'm fucking so so so depressed idk what to do die I guess but I CANT because oooh I'm just an alter and Vewn deserves to live her life whatever ong I wanna die so so so bad I need help I don't know what to do omg
If I go back to a hospital they have to LEGALLY keep me there for like a year because my mental health is apperantly so dangerous which yk cool I hope I die like actually i fucking love being mentally ill
I miss my grand,a and I'm so sad she died but also idfc LMAO I don't know what to do my weight is dropping and I'm throwing up acid all the time but I can't even think about eating it's so gross gross gros I don't know what to do
- 2/17/2023
MY DUMBASS FORGOT TO FINISH THIS LMFAOOO
Okay uh I feel worse because my mom was like "are u not eating" and ofc I said no so she made me step on the scale and I had lost 10 pounds and she was like "you little fucking liar 😡😡😡" it was SO FUNNY but she didn't think so so she tried to make me eat and I wouldn't and she said if I kill myself it's my dads fault 💀
So I mean I'm okay, I'm not exactly calorie deficit bc I drink 7 green teas and a unholy amount of Starbucks so at least my body won't fucking explode lmao also my therapist was like "Will I am so happy you are doing good" and I was like "oh yeah I'm great so mentally stable please don't send me away"
And my mom kinda yelled at me bc she was like "we have been paying for therapy for seven fucking years and all you do is drink and smoke wtf is wrong with you get better" no how bout you take me outta therapy then 😁😁 and she was saying at this point it's a choice, DAMN RIGNT, I choose not to get better because I like where I am 💔 like wtf do mentally stable people do, go out with their friends hell nah
I went with my dogs on a run and literally fainted and some very sweet old lady helped me thank you Irene!! She's very nice
I taLked to my mom abt being trans and I also got yelled at for that so coolie
I might drop out of school and get my GED, there's a community college around here I'd like to go to. It's famous for its stoners so yk 😧 perfect awesome cool
If you read this please don't reach out to me at all because I fucking hate everyone right now and will eat you alive plus being mentally ill makes me so hot and sexy gonna romantize my way through this /srs
