• Pairing: Joel Miller × Fem!Reader (The Last of Us)
• Tags: Fluff ×100. Protective & caring Joel. Lingering looks and soft touching. Touch and loved starved. Hidden feelings. Feelings of pain, self hatred and feeling undeserving of love. Sweet and tender short fic.
• Word count: 1.3k
[Crossposting on Tumblr & AO3]
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
The sun lit the sky on fire and slowly faded into a cotton candy swirl of light pink and blue. It was one of the only beautiful things left in this world. Beauty was a rare sight.
So, when Joel first saw you he was dazed. He couldn't think or speak properly, but you never noticed. He was good at hiding it and when you don't know him that well you wouldn't know the subtle differences. Ellie sure did. She made fun of Joel in the quiet moments when you wouldn't notice. The moments you'd walk away and he would look a few seconds longer than normal. The moments you'd fall asleep and he would silently offer a shoulder or his jacket. Ellie would giggle when she would catch it and he would shoot her a look before pretending nothing had happened. Sometimes she would call him out directly and he'd play his part of acting as if nothing affected him.
"Come on," Ellie whispered a little too loudly at Joel as she looked over at your head resting on his shoulder.
Joel didn't even look Ellie's way. He didn't want to give her the satisfaction of his reaction, so he kept his eyes on the road. The truck came to a stop shortly after, finally reaching the destination for the night. Joel says it's safe and you and Ellie trust him.
After setting up for the evening and Joel scoping out the area, Ellie nestles into her sleeping bag. Joel stands and waits. He always waits for you and Ellie to get settled before he rests.
"Thank you," You say to Joel as you pull down on the burgundy oversized shirt that he gave you. After a long day of traveling and running into some trouble, your shirt was ripped. Joel pulled a shirt from his bag and offered it to you without hesitation.
Joel nodded and the corner of his lips pulled up ever so slightly that you almost didn't notice it. He was a man of few words, but his words were in his body language. You learned this quickly.
You struggled to get the zipper to unzip on your sleeping bag and you groan because this is the third time this has happened in the past couple of months. It always happens when you're overly tired and desperate for sleep. Joel leans down without a word and in one swoop he swaps your sleeping bag with his. You look up at him and meet his gaze. His eyes linger on yours and your stomach flutters under the weight of his stare. His chest moves unevenly and then he looks away quickly. But not quick enough for Ellie not to notice. Her soft laugh fills the silence and you can hear Joel sigh as he walks over to the trees to take one last look around.
"Goodnight, Ellie." You say with a shake of your head and a small smile that you can't seem to hide.
Ellie mutters something sarcastic before turning away to close her eyes. You hold back a laugh and shift to lay on your side. Your eyes are heavy, but you keep them open. It's something you can't seem to help, searching for Joel in the dark. There is a sense of relief and calm when you finally see him. It's too dark for him to see you watching him, so you don't try to hide it. He walks around the trees with his gun in hand and his eyes alert. You wonder if he ever truly sleeps. He's taken the responsibility of the protector without question. You can't help but worry about how that weighs on him. It's in his eyes how exhausted he is and it saddens you.
Joel eventually feels good enough to set the gun down and lay down in his sleeping bag. The zipper easily broke loose and gilded open without strain. Of course, it did, you think. You scoff without thinking and Joel looks your way. You should turn the other way, but you don't. Instead of facing Ellie tonight, you face Joel. Maybe just this once you want to fall asleep with his face being the last thing you see.
Ellie's soft snoring and the sound of the tree's swaying in the wind feel comforting to you, but nothing is more comforting than his eyes on you. All day long those eyes scan restlessly for danger but right now they scan for contentment.
Joel looks at you and his chest burns with longing. He thinks of your touch but is fulfilled with just your gaze. He believes he's undeserving of you. You seem too good to be true, a beautiful piece of the world before that roams alongside him in a world that's turned into hell. He feels as monstrous as the dead and won't dare ruin you.
Every day he wakes up feeling inadequate when it comes to protecting you and Ellie. He guards himself in hopes to protect himself from the pain that's bound to come. He admires you from afar and sometimes lets himself imagine what it would be like in the world before if he ever met you. But that's as far as he goes with the feelings that brew inside. He tries not to indulge in it.
But, why can't he look away from you tonight? The stars and moon above shine bright enough to light up your face. He can't help but let his eyes wander over your features. He doesn't realize it, but he's studying you and storing your beautiful image in the back of his mind in case something ever happens. He's always trying to find ways to protect himself from the pain of losing people he cares about.
A loud crack from the woods causes you to jump and reach out a hand across the dead grass to Joel. Your heart races with fear, but you notice Joel staring at your hand on his. He doesn't react to the frightening sound and you figure it's most likely a branch that broke from the heavy wind.
"You're safe." He says, reassuring you.
You calm down and notice Joel is still staring at your hand on his. With flushed cheeks, you begin to pull your hand back, but he grabs your hand stopping you. He gently slips his hand into yours and lifts his eyes to meet your gaze. His hand is rough and calloused, exactly how you imagined. It feels nice. It feels more than nice. Two touch deprivation people feeling high from the simple touch of a hand.
Joel tightens his grip around your hand and pulls you to him. You gasp as your sleeping bag effortlessly slides along the grass and settles next to his sleeping bag. You lay next to Joel, dressed in his shirt, hand in hand and face inches away from his. In the silence, Joel brushes his thumb gently down your face and shakes his head, in disbelief that you are actually real. He meets your stare after admiring your face.
"Goodnight," He says quietly with his rugged voice.
You smile and whisper, "Goodnight," before your heavy eyes close you catch Joel's subtle smile.
He watches you drift to sleep and feels more content than he has in years. He doesn't ask for more than your hand and the closeness of your body. When you've desired something— someone, for so long you take your time and savor it. Especially when it's one of the only good things left.
There is beauty in the earth, such as a sunset, but there is also beauty in people. There is beauty in wanting someone in the purest form and them wanting you back. The most intimate thing isn't always sex, it's lingering looks and gentle touches.
The earth rattles with hope as you both radiate happiness connected by a soft touch. You and Joel lay under the stars, hand in hand, and finally, feel something made of heaven while living in hell.
