There's My Last Chance - Anderperry Timeloop AU

December 15, 1959

Todd woke up and the sun was shining.

"Hey, sleepyhead. You're up!" Neil said, and Todd almost cried out of relief, but managed to turn it into an enthusiastic smile.

"Hey, listen," Neil said, straightening his tie. Todd couldn't help but notice how handsome he was, how vibrant, how calm, like a fever dream. Almost as if his soul knew it was his last day alive and wanted to make the most of it. They say the soul knows things like that.

"Can you cover for me in Trig? I have to skip it for the final dress rehearsal."

"Y-yeah, no problem," Todd nodded.

Neil beamed at him, and once again, Todd almost cried. What a beautiful smile. In less than twenty four hours, that smile would disappear forever.

Todd shuddered.

"Thanks!" Neil said, then grabbed his books and headed down to breakfast.

Todd didn't know how many times he'd wake up on this day, but he knew any time could be his last. And tonight, he wasn't letting Neil pull the trigger.

"I think I'm going to walk home," Todd told Mr. Keating.

"You're not going to wait to see Neil? That's unlike you," Keating observed.

The show had just ended and Todd needed enough time to get to Neil's house. "No, I'm pretty tired. Besides, I'll see him later. He's my roommate, after all."

Todd pushed the lie out between his teeth. He wanted to scream at the top of his lungs: "NEIL'S NOT COMING HOME." He wanted to pack up the stars, put out the sun. They had no use lighting up a world without Neil in it.

He wanted everyone to know, not only to know, but to mourn. No one could be okay, how could they ever be okay? If Neil died, the world was wrong at a fundamental level.

But instead, he smiled his typical half-smile to Keating, and tried to hide his contempt of people living like this day was a normal day.

Keating seemed to accept this despite his initial suspicion. He bid Todd farewell and Todd began his brisk walk away from Henley Hall.

He had only been to Neil's house once, for a dinner party on Halloween that ended in an uncomfortable argument between Neil and his father.

But once was enough. Todd had the way memorized, and it was rather far. He tried to calm his racing mind as he walked by reciting what little poetry he knew by heart.

"...and what I assume you shall assume," he recited, staring off into the dark. Shadows danced around bushes, streetlights glared, giving Todd the uncanny feeling of being watched. "for every atom belonging to me as good belongs to- shit, is that him?"

A familiar black car pulled ahead, and Todd feared it was Neil and his father. It might as well have been a hearse. He began to pick up the pace.

He knew he wouldn't match the speed of the car. But any little thing might give him the leg up on this situation. He was entering unfamiliar territory: he'd never lived this day before. He'd never seen Neil actually do it, despite hearing about it twice. Oh God, what if he did it?

Todd sped up a little bit more.

He was panting by the time he reached the house, and cursed when he found the light shut off.

He tried the front door in the vain hope it would be unlocked. Of course it wasn't unlocked, that would be too easy. He made a move towards the window.

There was just enough give that Todd knew it wasn't locked, only frozen in place. Shit, if it WAS locked, would it have stopped him? Neil was in there, time was running out.