Aku naksir dia selama tiga tahun

I had a crush on him for three years

One day in November, I saw a man who fit my type for the first time.

At that time we were just strangers. Indeed you think that it cannot be confirmed that it is a feeling of liking, usually, it is only a moment of admiration. no, it's true love.

he's a man who made me fall in love, even if only one-sided. but that's okay because I always remind myself to love as it is, it's just too much involved.

At that time, November was the month that had the most interesting stories.

We communicated for a long time but only as ministry partners in the church. after knowing him for a long time, I fall even more in love, falling in love with his character who always gives attention and also cares about his ministry in the church.

he has the sweetest smile, easy to get along with, and always thinks positively about anything. never heard him complain about anything going on in his life.

one time I asked, why aren't you angry or disappointed with your current condition, why do you always act as if nothing happened? then he just smiled and said that 

"I also don't know why I always accept everything that happened, whether it was good or bad."

I was reprimanded by him, 

"Why do you get angry easily, emotionally. You have to solve your problem by not making new problems". 

then I replied "I've been trying to control myself so I don't get angry or emotional easily, but it's hard." then you know what he said, "take it easy, I will always be near you to always remind you." Then we looked at each other and he smiled.

To be honest, at that time I was confused about how to react, should I scream because I was so excited and happy because I was given attention or should I just be normal and not get carried away? Why is falling in love so confusing?

I'm sorry, I forget to introduce myself.

I'm Lilly (18) the man I love named Brian (20), yeah he's older than me and I don't know how to explain how I feel right now. when I write this story, my heart feels like it's going to explode with excitement.

every moment that I spend with him feels very beautiful, it sounds a bit exaggerated but that's how I feel.

sometimes I'm confused about how to act when I meet him at church for ministry, huff even though my goal is to come to church to serve God, my mind is always messy when I see him.

on Thursday, my schedule is to lead the worship, he plays a musical instrument (guitar), so indirectly I will communicate with him very closely.

at 17.15 all of us who were in charge of serving agreed to practice.

I gave the song to him as a musician. in the middle of rehearsal suddenly my voice was hoarse, and my singing didn't sound good anymore, then "are you okay?" when he asked like that at a very close distance made me confused about what to answer. 

because there was no answer from me she then stopped the practice 

"let's take a  break, because it looks like Lilly has a sore throat". after that he left, somewhere, I was confused that I had messed up his practice. was he disappointed that I couldn't do something well? or whether he doesn't care? I can no longer think of anything good.

after 10 minutes, he came back and gave me candy for my throat and water 

"sorry, earlier I went to Ind*maret for a while to buy special candy for a sore throat". I just saw and heard, Oh my God what have I done, why can I think bad things about him while he bought something to relieve the pain in my throat?

because I was confused to see me not drinking water and eating the candy he gave me 

"why don't you drink it? eat the candy, don't just hold it, I'm fine because we are close that's why I care. sorry if only water and candy ". Should I answer or stay silent? think for a long time answer or not. until finally, I replied 

"hmmm, thank you for caring, sorry for bothering". "it's okay, relax ;)". geez, do I have to be grateful for a sore throat?

"Come on, everyone, let's practice again, Lilly, you just rest, don't force it. Please Bram replace Lilly to lead the worship."

Bram is a man who has been friends with Brian since they were 7 years old.

The clock shows 18.45 the time for worship and prayer to begin, everything is going well. until in the middle of worship, my throat felt painful, like there was a needle in my throat, I tried not to cough so as not to disturb the people who were doing worship.

because I couldn't stand the pain, I went out and went to the toilet, when I got to the toilet I coughed non-stop. My heart was beating very fast, my whole body started to feel hot and weak. God, I have to go home before anyone finds out I'm sick. 

I don't want to bother other people. my head started to feel dizzy, and a cough that continued until blood came out of my mouth as I vomited it. "oh God too much blood, I have to go home, I have to go home" at that time I wanted to call my friend asking her to pick me up, but I left my cell phone in the church.

I just sat on the toilet until the worship and prayer were over. because I didn't go back to church, my friends started looking for me including Brian. I have a best friend who knows about all my stories her name is Rose. at that time she was the most excited when she found out that I had not returned from the toilet either, so when I wanted to go to the toilet I had time to tell her that I had gone to the toilet.

"Rose, where's Lilly?" asked Brian, "she said she went to the toilet, but she hasn't come back yet, what if something happens to Lilly because earlier she seemed to be in pain". Rose replied with a sad face. 

"wait here I will go look for her," Brian said, then he went looking for me. 

while looking for me he heard a woman say "since the toilet was closed, even though many need a toilet", said the other woman "this is very strange, there is not even a sound in the toilet, lest there are more ghosts there "aaaaaaaaarrrrrgghhh. they ran from there, and Brian immediately entered the women's restroom to see if Lilly was in the toilet or not.

"Lilly, Lilly, Lilly come on open the door why are you still in there come on Lilly open it open it" Brian screamed maybe because he was scared. or panic? I heard his voice, but couldn't answer, my voice couldn't be heard because my throat was too sore, and even regulating my breathing properly was very difficult.

because there was no answer from me, Brian then used the stairs to go up and go inside.

"Lilly, hey my goodness why is there so much blood? are you okay? Where does it hurt? Lilly? Lilly?". I can only hear his voice that keeps calling my name, I can't answer. My body began to limp and I was unconscious.

several hours passed and I opened my eyes and started to look around 

"ah it turns out I'm in the hospital, but why should I be in a private room like this? Don't I just have a sore throat? This is too much." 

"do they leave me alone? hmm how sad". Not long after, someone came into my room, yes Brian, the man I love and also the man who helped me. 

"Lilly? are you awake? how are you feeling? Does your throat still hurt? would you like something to drink?" oh my gosh why is he so chatty today?

You guys need to know, Brian is a guy who doesn't talk too much, that's why I was confused when he suddenly became chatty. 

"I'm fine Brian, don't worry too much. But why are you suddenly being so chatty today?" I finally asked this too. 

"I'm worried about you, you know next time when you're in pain, don't just be silent, I've already told you, your stubborn huff never goes away huh," he grumbles again, you know I'm so lazy to answer, later the nagging will be longer.