Rudra-Nandani

42 ~ The Sensual Apology

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Nandani POV

"What?"

I asked and he just smiled.

"You have to figure it out,"

He said and they both left me.

I nodded and tried to comprehend what he was trying to say and suddenly Suman's voice caught my attention.

"Nandani, I think you should take a bath before dinner,"

I nodded listening to her and we both walked back towards my chamber.

Stepping inside I called an attendee and asked.

"Where is Ranaji?"

She bent forward.

"Ranisa, I am sorry but what we are unaware about his whereabouts. We have not seen him since the early after noon,"

She replied and I nodded.

"Alright,"

But, inside of my heart just wondered where he could be. It was not like I was missing him that badly but I needed to discuss a few things to him.

I went inside the bathing room and took a quick bath. After taking the bath I changed directly into the night clothes and wore an overcoat to cover up my legs and hands. 

I came out and let my open, wet hair drip the water while I settle my gaze on the food kept over the table.

My stomach growled and even though I wanted to have dinner with my dear husband but I chose to eat in silence and loneliness.

I did not know but somewhere I felt there was no point in running after him if he did not have any similar thing towards me.

I knew he committed and he opened up about his feelings towards me. But, somewhere this was not seeming sufficient at all as actions speak louder than words.

There were a few of his habits that I entirely disliked. First, him grabbing my neck if I was angry and mad. Second, him unknowingly and unwantedly disrespecting me. I loved him and there were no two thoughts about it but not at the cost of my self-respect.

I knew I married him without considering my self-respect but at that time my emotions were bigger than my mind settling on self-respect now when I was his wife and the Queen, I wanted him to treat me right.

And, there was nothing wrong in expecting someone to treat you right, treat you how you deserve to be treated by someone you dearly love and who dearly loves you.

I knew that many times I had said that I love him and he loves him but sometimes I just feel that his actions did not speak love. Precisely, I did not know what love exactly feels like or should be but the way he almost dragged me after him right from the entrance to our chamber, hurt me and it definitely was not love.

And, when he said that he did not know how many people call me their wife. I just lost it. I did.

Never in my whole life have I trusted any man. Never in my whole I let any man even touch me, not even a friendly one except my family. I knew what I did before marriage was very bold and something a good princess should not do but that did mean that I was not loyal. That definitely did not mean that he would question my character.

I did not know but there was a whole puzzle going on in my brain.

After a few little bites, I already felt full.