Operation: Loose Ends

Wait for me...

What else could I have done, looking back at it now with a clearer mind? What should I have done? Not radioed in? Not ask for their safety and location? Not compromise their safety? Though my clear mind now is screaming yes, well...back then, it was a whole other story. But I guess that's what adrenaline does to you. It renders you incapable of coherent thought. Of coherent reasoning. So what else could I have done expect run back towards my car? What else could I have done except cry at the thought of my husband still alive, my blurring vision causing me to trip and fall onto the leafy soil beneath me...? Hell...there was nothing else I could've done back then, now was there...?

I could barely breathe from the fall as I managed to roll myself over and onto my back. And as I looked up at the sky through the dense foliage of the trees, I forced myself to take a deep breath. But how could I...? Ghost was alive, Soap and Price were safe with Nikolai, and now what was likely to be the most powerful General in the world was going to be after us. After me. What else could I do except panic a bit? No....stay focused. For Simon...for our Simon..., my mind reasoned. So, I forced myself back up and onto my feet, groaning slightly at the ache throbbing throughout my whole body. But I needed to carry on. I didn't even have any plan. I needed to get to them, but Shepherd would be on my tail. I couldn't afford compromising their safety because of me. Not until I could properly figure out if and how he could track me. So, I didn't hesitate to reach into the passenger seat of my vehicle and towards my map, laying it down flat on the dirty hood. I studied it carefully for a few moments, my mind racing. If Shepherd was truly following me, then...what would happen if I retraced my steps and settled down somewhere...? Would Shadow Company show up? Most likely, if my fears were correct. .....bollocks, my old uniform never looked so enticing before... but for now, there was a theory that needed to be tested. So I kept the dark Shadow Company uniform for now, reluctantly relishing in on the delicious warmth the wretched uniform provided for the time being. And as I got back into my car, well...I couldn't help but let out a small sigh as I finally settled down onto my seat, resting my head back against the headrest as I tried to let go of what I had just gone through. But how could I...? The wretched stench was permanently stuck in my nose, the back of my eyelids forever engraved by the sight of all those corpses and...remains. Fuck, fuck, don't...don't think about it..., I gulped down the bile that burned the back of my throat. With a final deep breath, I revved the engine to life and got back onto the road. For now...I couldn't even think about lunch. I needed to get out of here.

Like mentioned above, I began to retrace my steps, the long hours of driving seeming endless as the adrenaline began to fade away. And finally, my stomach began to rumble in protest and my mind felt foggy. I let out a small sigh. Not now...please, not now.... But my body wouldn't hear none of that. I needed to eat, and I needed rest. I knew that, but.... How could I when I knew that Shepherd was out there, hunting me this very same moment...? I just couldn't. But as fatigue settled down further and further, I ended up agreeing to rest at a small cabin - ruins, mostly, but the roof still seemed decently intact - a few kilometres further. I had noticed it on my way to the safehouse, but hadn't bothered to stop there. Now, though....it didn't really feel like I had a choice. But now that I was here, looking at the remains, my mind began to chew out a plan. What if....I settled down here for the night, and left the car further down the road? See what was being tracked. I nodded along. Perfect. So I began doing just that, parking the car in the woods about two kilometres away. Now came the part where I had to leave it. Leave the safety of this vehicle. And should anything happen to it, well...I'd be royally screwed. I gave the wheel one last reluctant caress before I forced myself out of the car, grabbing my bag, a couple of MREs and my gun before I covered it with the camo netting.

"Wish me luck, my friend..." I looked on at the now concealed vehicle one final time before I began to walk away with my belongings, back onto the side of the road and back towards that cabin. It was a quiet road - no soul drove by during my quiet little walk. Which, thank God for that. I would've hated for whoever drove by to be an enemy. Having Shepherd on my tail was troublesome enough. God, should I have honestly asked for Kamarov's help instead...? Could I have made it that way...? I forced my thoughts silent, however, when the cabin was at last in my sights once more. Now I could take a proper look at it. Decrepit, old, what once was white paint chipping off the walls and ceiling - what remained of it, at least - the wooden flooring, rotten and creaking at my every step. I was able to find a more...suitable room, however, thankfully, more towards the back of the house. This used to be a living room, it looked like. Leaves and mud were scattered all over the floor, probably brought in by the natural elements and wildlife. There was still a couch there, surprisingly, the fabric dirty beyond recognition and decorated with animal fur. Fox fur, likely. Wolves are also a possibility, my brain horribly reminded me. I prayed it weren't the case, however. I had enough on my plate already. So, pushing that thought aside, I took a seat on the floor with my back against the wall and pulled out an MRE, my stomach already reprimanding me for waiting so long to freaking stop and eat.