The Awakened Seed

He persists in our inaccuracy 

God persists in our inaccuracy. Even if we are far away from Him, He knows how to guide us and brings us to a position where He wants us to be.

It took me my entire master degree and four years of my PhD degree to finally find my other half. Yes my husband. But before that happened, I had to be equipped with the Word of God by my spiritual father.

Again, I was an odd one since I hardly go to other churches when living abroad. I was told not to eat randomly. I had to adjust my time which was seven hours difference, 2 a.m. in the morning, watching a 3 hour sermon. Furthermore, that every end of the year I had to go to the conference in my country. I did not feel pressured to go of the year because only then I could feel the presence of God fully in the house of God. I wasn't able to feel God when I'm alone.

But you can imagine how difficult it was to adjust the frequency due to different culture, different way of thinking, and different habit. Also that my domain is in the field of science. My critical mind causes people trouble and therefore not a lot of people can handle me.

I ask questions because I want to know in detail not because I'm testing people. I am a person who don't know and therefore I want to know. But not a lot of people can provide me with answers that makes me understand. I was told to just listen, listen and listen to the teachings and not ask a lot of questions. This is typical local education system in my country. Passive and accept. It is different to western education system where students are proactive in asking questions and critical in responding.

Most people tell me that I should have more faith, I should not question. I should not use my brain. I should not place God in my examination bench, but rather have God examine me. I felt condemned because the people I was with would called me "stupid" when it comes to faith. People would see me as a Pharisee or scribe, truthfully, I don't even know much about who God is. It was not easy for a scientist to understand God for he is intangible. Even so I know that there is God in the expense of being hurt and miss understood.

"But woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you shut up the kingdom of heaven against men; for you neither go in yourselves, nor do you allow those who are entering to go in. Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you devour widows' houses, and for a pretense make long prayers. Therefore you will receive greater condemnation."
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭23‬:‭13‬-‭14‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

I can say, my masters and PhD days was not easy. Living abroad alone means freedom, but without boundaries one can even go astray. I left my days of going to parties and hanging out with friends past midnight like when I was in my bachelors living abroad during an exchange program. But I was also not doing devotion and prayer because I was not used to it and I didn't know how to actually start. I only spoke in tongues when I go to church which is once a year. I had no community of people who would support me or help me, because I was alone abroad, and isolating myself from other Christian community.

I tried explaining and showing my church to a number of my friends. They also couldn't understand and thought I was very strict. That plain I was. Although I was following the rules and things that I was expected to do, only until I met my husband that I finally understood how to operate the knowledge and understanding that I received from the house of God into my daily life. So who is actually my husband?