To his eternity

XVIII.

Why did you say that?
Say what?

That you loved me?
Because I did.

Then why did you leave me?
It was too much...

What was too much?
Our relationship?
You.

Me? How was i too much?
...

You're just so insecure. No matter how much times i compliment you, you'll always find a way to bring yourself down.

You assume a lot. You always twist my words and say things that i have never even said before.

You're so sarcastic. Most of the time i can't even tell if you're being serious when you say "j love you."

You didn't even try to reciprocate my feelings. You didn't put any effort in the relationship at all.
You couldn't even show me that you loved me.

Wow.

I was very insecure. I admit that. I hated when i looked at myself in the mirror, I just felt disgusted.
But i was also new to this. I've never had someone call me pretty ten times a day.

You know, i'm sorry i assumed.
I'm an overthinker. I get scared when you reply late or send a dry message. I will think you're mad when you reply to me in a cold tone.

That's where i start assuming. I say things like "You're mad at me aren't you?" or "What did i do this time?"

That's because i was scared. I didnt want you to leave me.

I'm sarcastic? That's just the tone of my voice. I've told you many times that when you think i'm being sarcastic, i'm being genuine. That's the tone of my voice and i can't change that.

And the i love you? I meant every
"I love you." I would always say I love you when you would go somewhere. I said it because i loved you.

I was never the type of person to open up. Last time i did that, They used it against me. Even today i still cant figure out why i couldn't show my love to you.

I do wish that you knew i always got excited when i get a notification and it's from you. I would smile at my phone looking stupid. My friends would even tell me i talk about you all the time.

I would always make these little scenarios in my head before i go to sleep.

You know? when you were at your lowest point, I stayed.

You we're saying i kept bringing myself down when you would compliment me, but you would do the same things when i said things would get better.

You ghosted me after i said you we're mentally draining. You took it the wrong way. I was trying my best to help you. I was being patient when you said you wanted to k*ll yourself.

Oh and one more thing.

I would've never chosen my friends, over our relationship.

They said you were a shitty person. And you are one.

I was going through a lot of shit, but you just left. I just wanted you to be patient with me like i was with you.

As much much as i despise you.

i still love you.