I built a friend...|Karlnap

Chapter 17

Tw: od, hospital

Song recommendation;

I wanna be yours - Arctic monkeys
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I was on my way to our shared place. I never thought that the event that would soon happen, would ever occur. I'm sorry, so very sorry that I caused your pain. You are my everything, I'm sorry that I failed to realize that sooner. I hope I can make it up to you.

I walked in and set my things by the door to be sort out later, slipped my coat off and hung it on the hanger and my keys on the rack. Stereotypical white person house entrance.

I called out, "Sapnap..? You here yet?". A moment of silence. I guess not. I walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water. It took me a second to notice the orange bottle and 3 envelopes on the island, but eventually did.

"Mom...ophelia....dream...me?" I stared at the papers in confusion. Then glanced at the orange bottle, it clicked. A moment of panic rushed through me.

I stood shocked, confused, dazed even.

"Sapnap..." I whispered.

I looked up then began calling his name.

"Sapnap!" I looked in the living room.

"Sapnap!" I looked in his room.

"Sapnap!" I looked in my room.

"Sapnap!" I approached the restroom, the shock had me running on pure adrenaline and worry. Opening the door carefully, he was lying on the floor.

Lifeless.

"SAPNAP!" I opened the door enough to where he wouldn't get hurt and squeezed myself through.

I sat next to him and held him. The tears couldn't help but fall from my eyes. This is it. One of the most important people in my life. Lying on the floor. Barely breathing.

Everything went by in a blur. How I ran to the kitchen to get my phone and call an ambulance. Waiting and crying. Praying that he's okay. Red and blue lights. The wheeling away of his lifeless body while cpr was done. Following the truck in my car.

I sat in the hospitals waiting area as the doctor's took care of him and the receptionist called his family who then called dream. I sat staring at the letters, my face dried with tears and my mind racing.

Why is this happening? Why would he do that to himself? He always seemed outgoing and fun, seemingly carefree. Was it all a facade? Why would he? I don't understand.

My grip on the letters tightened, I couldn't bring myself to read the one with my name stained on the white envelope. I really wanted to understand why he did what he did, truly.

But deep down

I know

I know

I contributed

If not

I am the reason.

My head snapped up at the sound of a women yelling for her "baby", her sobs choked her as she met the front desk asking for her son sapnap.

I could see his mom and supposedly his sister look disheveled as they were told they had to wait in the waiting area. Then, I saw dream run in with a similar reaction to sapnaps' moms'. He seated himself next to the family and comforted them. I could make out the words "He will be okay. Everything will be okay. He is so strong" a slight smile brushed dreams lips as he reminisced his best friends moments of bravery. A sad, very sad smile.

I couldn't handle it. I went to the front desk and handed a lady the notes and asked her to give them to the family. I then walked out of the hospital. I couldn't bare to see their faces, in truth, I was scared. Scared to know if he made it, scared to know if he didn't, scared to see him, scared to be aware of his condition. I was just scared.

I ran out of the hospital and booked it to my car. I sped to my desired destination. The only thoughts racing in my mind were of sapnap. I arrived, by now it was night. The familiar scent of overgrown grass and fresh air forced itself to my nose. I recognized the beautiful lights if the city.

It gave me a moment of peace before the realization of where I was hit me.

It was like I could see him.

After all, this was where we had first met.

I remember the conversation we had that held many topics.

If I don't open what could be his final words ever, I don't think I could ever forgive myself.

I opened the envelope carefully, too carefully to where it took me a hot minute to open. I took a deep breath before reading...

Dear Karl,

I wish I knew how to start this, but truthfully, I have so much that I want to say but can not bring myself to, It hurts to think about. Sometimes I wonder "what if we had put a name on ourselves, would I be happy while spending all of my time with the person I love most?" It took me a long time to answer that. I had thought that everything would be perfect and I blamed myself for letting you go so easily. I had thought. Now I know that no matter what changes in the past, it is inevitable and can not be changed. As much as you made me feel wanted, I always felt unneeded. I gave you as much as I could, but received less on my end. And there is no greater pain than that. Thank you for making me feel genuinely happy in a long time.

- sapnap

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Sorry its been so long! But guess who's backkk! I'm hoping to finish this story soon, although it's fun coming up with books, it's not always fun writing them 😔 THANK YOU FOR YOU SUPPORT!