Demolition

4: Night of the long knife (Seth Johnson)

January 6th 2023

It was Friday! Skye texted me in the morning with her convenient good morning message which gave me additional hope on top of the fact that I have 2 days where I don't have to go school and one of them is my friend's birthday. I don't get why I returned to school on a Friday, out of all days.

Throughout the school day, I couldn't lure my mind away from last night. I wondered whether I actually deserved it or whether Skye was the one in the wrong. I felt if I viewed Skye as being in the wrong, I would be a narcissist. Or obtuse. I also put into account that Skye wasn't feeling her best and I was optimistic things could only get better from there. I'm not the type to give up on relationships easily. I know the pain is worth it in the end.

After the pleasant screams of the bell rung, the speed of time went back to normal. Once I was home, I messaged Skye in an instant saying "Hey, how was school?".  I always enjoyed reading the drama that happened at Skye's school. I wish the drama that happened at her school happened at my school. I will never forget her telling me about the time someone in her school stuck up a funny Shrek picture, turning a submissive dining hall into a fit of laughter. I also remember the time she told me about how one of her friends made a PowerPoint presentation about a religion they made up with their cat's being gods. That story left me in stitches. 

An hour after playing Minecraft while listening to Bon Jovi, Skye still hadn't have replied. This was unusual of her as she returned from school about ten minutes after I did. I checked when she was last online.

Last seen today at 15:56

Then there were blue ticks right next to my message. I replied saying "sorry if it was the wrong thing to ask". Soon after I saw her typing, which for the first time, made me feel nervous.

Skye: I just want to be left alone
Me: Ok I understand xx

I left it there since I did not want things to escalate further. I haven't seen her truly mad before and I dread to think what she's like when she's mad. I was also relieved that Skye was doing what was best for her.

The next hour or so that followed, I scrolled on Tiktok. The majority of the time spent scrolling I was scrolling mindless until a video snatched my eye. It was from Skye's tiktok account.

In the background of it was the whole friend group with the scene illuminated by the LED Lamp in Ella's living room. The song "Green Green Grass" by George Ezra was also playing in the background as Bianca and Nasir had an arm around each other. The words in a dark blue colour read: "best party ever".

The emotion I felt from seeing this video was far from the same as the friend group's. Betrayal. Sadness. Shock. Slight anger. Why didn't Skye invite me to the party? Was I just not good enough? Did they see me as a coward because I got scared when they were talking about something that genuinely traumatised me? I assumed they didn't know about the time I fell in a river some time ago so I didn't feel the need to be too harsh on them. Maybe it was my fault for being so soft.

I then decided to message Skye again despite her saying she wanted to be alone. Maybe it was just to be alone from me or she wanted to respectfully celebrate someone's birthday.

Me: how are you? xx
Skye: I am fine
Me: What are you up to? xx
Skye: just at a party
Me: is it a birthday party? xx
Skye: Nah
Me: I hope you have fun xx
Skye: ok

I could feel Skye straying away from my young soul forgetting to give back the part of me back that I gave her willingly. She was constantly on my mind, but not quite for the right reason. Will the relationship last any longer? Is she going to return to her loving self? Does she actually care about me? These were a few of the many questions that were in and out of my mind. Maybe all of this was just a hiccup and that there are going to be better days in this romance. People do say that dating someone has its ups and downs and that a true warrior is there for it all. I am a true warrior. I will make this work!

The music I was listening to could only do so much to stop me from worrying. Usually it was more effective, but the thoughts were relentless this time. Maybe a puff off a vape pen could be the cure to how I'm feeling. Usually I was sensible enough to know that this isn't the solution, rather it would make my life worse and lead to me developing serious health problems, but I was long past caring point. I knew We're all going to die anyways so why not die to the taste of chilled strawberry? Death didn't seem so startling to me at this point because it's pretty much inevitable. Will it matter in about a hundred years if I live up to old age? No, unless I broke a record for being the oldest person which I never intended doing. The only point of living that was left for me was Skye. Her love was pretty much like life support.

I was pulled away from my mind when a buzz on my phone was broadcasted.

Skye: hey I am just going to say this, but can we just be friends since I have a lot going on and I don't really want to be talking to anyone I'm sorry.

Although I saw this coming from a mile off, reading the harsh words still felt like a knife was infiltrating my chest and the blood representing my will to live pouring out. It's like my self esteem made an abrupt exodus out of my window. What would her friends think of me now since I wasn't with Skye? How could I recover from such an abrupt stabbing? Maybe I didn't deserve to be told the truth of her suddenly losing interest as it was all my fault. I could have done things differently. I thought that she was the one. Maybe I'm just not the one for her as I am nothing, but a screw up. I forbade myself from crying as I would look like I am yearning attention. Maybe if I wasn't such a lost puppy she would have told me about the party and invited me to it.