trauma || amber freeman

1

Warning: Self Harm

I woke up to the sound of my alarm going off as per usual. I always slept with my phone under my pillow playing my favourite playlist as it helped me go to sleep in the times that i didn't feel safe in my own house. I grabbed my phone off of charge and got out of bed reluctantly, walking towards my closet.

My room was pretty small, I had light grey walls, plain white bedding, a white wardrobe, led lights and posters all over the walls. I payed for all of the decorations by myself and then also got my phone and headphones with my own money. I had gotten my money from Tara and Mindy lending me money to use for food (that I mainly didn't use) or I would steal money from random people that walked past me. I was good at stealing, nobody ever noticed. My mother seemed to forget that you have to buy your kids things, especially essentials like food, water, clothes and things for basic comfort. She says that I'm lucky she bought me a bed, wardrobe and that I have a bathroom. I have a double bed and I bought lots of extra cushions and blankets for added comfort. I always slept in the hoodie that Tara gave me last year, it was oversized but it always brought me comfort, as if she was with me like she used to be.

I went over to my wardrobe, picking out a plain black top that tied around the waste, black baggy ripped jeans and I put another one of Tara's jacket's around my shoulders, tying my hair up as I did basic makeup and then straightened my hair, grabbing my black headphones as I left my room, closing the door behind me as i slowly passed my mothers room without a sound, heading towards Mindy's car that was parked at the end of the driveway. I put my headphones around my neck as I climbed into her car and placed my school bag on the floor. My body finally relaxing.

Last night my mother got mad at me again as I had come home an hour later than usual as I was busy hanging out with the group and lost track of time. She got really pissed and threw a glass bottle at me, Deja Vu? Then, she slapped me across the side of my face and i managed to escape her grip and ran to my room, locking myself in it. My breathing started acting up again and I knew that the only way to calm myself down when I'm having panic attacks is to slow my breathing, put on music and go somewhere quiet to be able to concentrate on calming myself down. My bridge.

I grabbed my skateboard and headed off towards the all so familiar space. I ended up just sitting there for a while after I had finally calmed down my breathing to a certain extent, thinking about what life would be like if I just ran away from all of this: my mother. school. Amber's friend group, myself. Life would be so much easier, I wouldn't have to worry about anything much besides from money and hiding from the police. The dream life. I only haven't as i don't want to leave Tara, Mindy and the group, they are all I have and I don't want to loose them too.

"Hey Madi, you alright your awfully quiet?" Mindy asked, her soft voice breaking me out of my trance.

"Yeah I'm alright, just thinking about something." I replied, giving her a sincere smile. Looking out the car window as I saw we were almost at the school.

"Come on, we have to hurry up or the teachers will go mad." She said laughing, grabbing my hand and pulling me out of her parked car and through the gates of the school.
7:31. We have 15 minutes before first period. I have the worst day today and tomorrow.

Period 1) Biology- amber and chad
Period 2) History- tara
Break.
Period 3) Free Period :)
Period 4) Maths- amber and chad
Lunch.
Period 5) English Literature - amber
Period 6) Geography- amber, liv and mindy

Dreading period 5. I sit next to amber and I don't even have anyone else in my class with me that I'm close friends too. I hate that amber is in most of my classes as all she does is piss me off all lesson. i'll just have to make do like usual, put my AirPods in and ignore her existence. I love history with Tara though because she sits on the table in front of me and we just pass notes and mess around all lesson as the teacher loves us both and doesn't care what we do.