erotic ; spencer reid

chapter 30

Spencer's point of view:

I can't really remember what the last thing I said to her was.
I can't even remember how many pills I had taken.

but i've tried everything to forget the way she looked at me,
her eyes so dull, shoulders slumped while she chewed the inside of her gum.

" -Spence?"
"You still with us?".

Emily's voice is filled with concern, flicking my head up to meet the gaze of the team.

" Hm?" I glance down at the red mark on my wrist, stopping myself from pulling the rubber band back again.

" Hey Reid, why do you do that? The constant flicking of the rubber band on your wrist?" Derek asks.
" Doesn't it, I don't know, hurt?".

The room so quiet.
Some eyes on me, other's on him.

Clearing my throat, I nod.
Sliding the suspects file out onto the desk.

" As Emily was saying, there are multiple stab wounds in the same area, on each victim".

Eventually my brain goes into Auto-Pilot and I manage to get through the meeting.
Wheels up in 30, as per usual.

Pushing myself up, out of my chair and following everyone else out the doors, walking towards my desk when JJ stands in front of it.

" Hey, Spence".

Her demeanour is sympathetic, she's trying to hide how concerned she really is, crossing her arms over her chest.

" JJ, what's up?".

" You doing okay?".

Like it's not an everyday question.

" Mhm".

She shuffles on her feet, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.
She's not trying to hide her concern anymore.

" Everyone's worried Spence, you're showing up late, you're not sleeping I-I mean are you even eating?!".

I can't really do anything but stare at her blankly, causing her head to drop before she lets out a deep sigh.

" You're not looking after yourself at all".

It's become a chore just to wake up,
if that makes any sense at all.

" JJ, I'm fine. I promise" Masking my best grin.

She doesn't fall for it, throwing her hands in the air before walking off to Garcia.

I tidy my desk, grabbing a few things to take with me.

" Hey Reid, d'you know where we're going?" Morgan walks towards me.

" New York, Only for a week though, that's all we have funding for so, we really have to be on top of our game, got it?" Emily says.

Everyone nods,
except Hotch.

His facial expression changed the moment New York had been mentioned.
Not sure what that's about, he's never mentioned an issue with the city.

Which as we flew into,
I realised why it's called concrete jungle.
I mean there's a patch of green and that's it.
I feel like I can't breathe here.

" Okay pretty boy I need you to be so honest with me right now, did you get any of what I just said?".

My eyes flick up to meet Derek's.
He stands at the end of one the hotel beds.
A robe in hand.

" Sorry, what?".

He lets out a loud groan, falling onto his bed.

" I said" He muffles through the pillow.
" I'm going out for a drink tonight, are you joining me?".

I send him a reassuring smile before shaking my head.

" I'm pretty tired so i'll just stay in tonight".

" Okay, like every other night for the past few months? Reid, you really need to-"

" -What? Get over it?" My jaw clenched.
" I wish that night had never happened,
I shouldn't have taken those pills and I never should've listened to Hotch, I don't know how you expect me to just 'get over it'!".

He's taken aback by my response, blinking a few times before letting out a sigh.

" Look, I'm sorry that it all went down like it did. It all ended up being on you, Hotch wasn't really thinking".

I just shrug, folding my shirt, laying it down at the end of my bed before sitting up against the pillows.

" Anyway, have fun tonight. Have a drink for me".

I don't lift my eyes from the page in front of me, nothing but another sigh from Derek before he walks out the door.

I've read this page twice now, the words just aren't staying in my brain.
In one ear, out the other.

Focusing in again, I re-read the first few lines.
Concentrating, until the snap of the rubber band hits my wrist.

I should probably go to sleep.