Behind The Shadows (Complete)

Episode 5

Mekhi

My name is Mekhi Miles. I came from a religious family and was brought up in a Pentecostal church. Once I turned 17, I started hanging out with the wrong crowd and became embroiled in many legal woes. By my 18th birthday, I was arrested and sentenced to jail for selling soap for dope.

After my stint in jail, I knew it wasn't a place I wanted to see a second time, and I made several attempts to turn my life around. The last and final time I was cuffed and placed in the back seat of a squad car was an incident that happened with Sativa Joy.

She was a good girl. Young and innocent with an old soul. I can only imagine she's evolved into a great woman. I can't even lie, she's always been there. In the back of my mind, flirting with my emotions. If I could turn back time... Church girl... she was the one who got away.

I played drums at church. One day I skipped out of Pastor's sermon to catch her in the parking lot. I'd been watching her low-key for weeks. She was the prettiest little mama I'd ever seen.

She sat there quietly, like a mouse. Head down, eyes on her lap in the old, tangerine church bus. She read sad to me, a beautiful flower that needed watering. I knew then I wanted to be her fertilizer. To fill the emptiness inside her. To be her V.IP.

"Hey," I said pushing my hand unapologetically inside the window to play with one of her long, thick, twists. Her head stayed fixed ahead but she gave me that side-eye and replied,

"Hello, Mekhi."

"You can smile, you know," I messed with her. She looked me in the eye and gave me a smile so sweet I could taste it.

"What's your name?" I asked her softly.

"Tiva," she blinked shying.

"Tiva, what?"

"Sa-tiva," she grinned.

I released my gentle hold on her twist and grinned back.

Sativa was my Sunday love. We became two grinning fools, never letting anyone know about our secret affection, she was 13, I was 16. It was a deep-rooted connection, nothing sexual, just a warm, affectionate feeling and, quiet as it was kept, those who knew, knew something special kindled between the two of us.

Years passed, and my love for her remained. She stayed on my mind even as I grew up and out of the church scene. The minute I turned 18, I rebelled against my overzealous Christian parents. I started running with inner-city kids that took pride in selling drugs, money, and chicks. No matter how long and in between, I couldn't run away from my thoughts of this girl. She was a stain on me.

Girls I dated could never overshadow what I felt for Sativa. Subconsciously I was waiting for her to come of age. I recognized her on the streets one day, and it was as if a meteor came down and knocked me off my feet. She had grown into a striking young woman in only two years. By then she was 15, and I was 19, a father, a felon, and boo-ed up with a baby mama.

I geared into protective mode, warned, and watched her out in those streets. I loved her no matter who I was with. I could be going for a stroll with my son and his ma, but if I saw Sativa, they'd have to wait while I went over to check on her. I wanted to be her hero, and by this time the feeling I once had grew into more. But I couldn't, do anything about it, she was still under age, and it would have been too complicated, even if she were 17 or 18. I wouldn't have been good enough for her. I had too much baggage, so to be fair, I kept her in the friend zone.