My friend kept spraying silly string on me and I told her to, "stop, this is serious!" And she replied to me, " serious string."
My brother's in the hospital.
Why?
I threw a soda can at his head, good thing it was a soft drink
*throws pretzel at friend*
Do you feel aSALTed?!
Let's have a garden party
Letuce turnip the beet
Shoutout to sidewalks, for keeping me off the streets
Need an Ark? I Noah guy
I did Natzi that coming
What do you call an undead bee?
A zomBEE
This is my job
It's soda pressing
What did the grape say when it got crushed?
Nothing it just
Let out a little wine
Tried to borrow some bread from my indian neighborhood
But he said he had naan
Orlando Bloom
Orlando Die
Kayne West
Kayne East
James Caan
James Cant
An E flat, a G flat, and a B flat walk into a bar
The bartender said, "sorry but we don't serve minors."
.... this is hawkward
Dat knee
Disney
Drake be like,
I took a picture looking to the right because you left
Kia
Nokia
The road to El Dorito
Frodo-synthesis
Willem Dafoe
Willem Dafriend
What is the most popalur fish in the sea?
A star fish
Let minnow if you have anymore fish puns
David Tent
Mat Smith
How many calories do you burn sliding down a wall crying?
Ten
(Only Whovians will get this one)
I'm the last of the thymelords
Yes, I'm the ducktah
Dalegg
Will Easterminate
Knock knock
Who's there?
Doctor
Doctor Who?
......
*the Doctor drinks tea*
[Britishness inTENsifies]
Drumbledore
This printer is called Bob Marley because it's always jammin'
Alright xD
That's all for today
