Happy Valentine's Day!

Chapter 9: You're undoubtedly impeccable

my dearest kier,

i recall an author say we give too many fucks
we're a prostitute for feelings
we're like a whore
fucking with passing feelings till four
then you unleashed me from my self-made chains
you're the dauber that painted my blood with stains
then unleashed my tirade of curses,
enmity, and self-loathing that i kept in cages
and you dared to think it was contemptible
your taste in women is undoubtedly impeccable
my life of "debauchery"
gone in a slight glimpse of your chivalry
you hated austen's printed marks on my skin
so you became the wolf who'd bite it off when the lights are dim
you'd grab me to babylon
and you'd mark me like a don
you're giving me madness,
i can feel the numbing of my senses
my life would flash before my eyes
when you'd say you loved my lies
my chest's filled with gold and diamonds
could you tell i love precious stones?
i wondered if for me you'd die
or are you just high?
on drugs, alcohol, oh my, stars!
tell me you're not like the other guys
should i start
to repress my beating heart?
sure, it's exhilarating
but don't you know it's exasperating?
your so-called love baptized me with flames
and a smirk emerged from your face
you said, "this is how you'll worship god"
i know this is bad
i contemplated against my will
by the treacherous waters and a crumbling hill
i asked for forgiveness
and for my sins
a great feeling
of excitement and sadness
pervaded every bit of my being
you roamed every part of me
holding back as i couldn't breathe
my back arched like a cat
i sensed your prices and vices
my body would dissipate
from the slight touch of your cold hands
caressing me ever so softly
trudging footsteps
signaled us to stop
from fucking with fleeting moments
and masking our pain with pleasure
cigarette burns on me
washed by champagne and rosè
was the things we shared
really that fucking trivial?
i was the only one to wade through your treacherous waters
and you're the only one
who became my achilles' heel
yeah, you're my imperfection
yet you have little to no deformity
still you're repelling
and terrifying
because you're the dark shadow
the ceaseless whispers
emerging from the abyss
engulfing me as i close my eyelids
at the very end,
i was gored by your love
yet i felt nothing
because you're already engraved deeply in my frail heart
like a mark carved on my back
my nails scraped the kitchen floor
wait, the neighboors knocked at the door
you were dripping in sweat
i was swimming in blood
you squeezed my neck
as i reached for help
my diminishing faith
my compartmentalized feelings
disappeared as my body fell
my life flashed before my eyes
as death reached my face
for the last time,
your body collapsed on mine
as i plunged the knife into your heart and ended your life

forever yours,
fitzgerald atwood montgomery