Countryhuman Oneshots Collection 1 [FINISHED]

Difficult Times (1/2)

This story is related to 'Trip With The Gang' by this being the fourth week of that trip but its not finished yet so take this one as the part three of that chapter since that I may not finish it.

(They went to a two-month winter vacation to Norway btw).
WARNING - This contains cussing with missing letters (example: fu¢k)

Enjoy!
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Not much people know that he exists. If they do, if someone thinks of him, they instantly think of a heartless, soulless, emotionless idiot who talks the dirtiest sh!t about everything and everyone. They think of an unbelievably rude and careless bastard. They think of a cruel person who has no one by his side and is heavily hated and unsupported by this whole wide dangerous planet. They never take a single minute to think about and wonder what's going on behind that angry expression he has on his fu¢k!ng face.
I'm not really excited to say that that guy is nobody else but me. People judge me by my rough past which I joke about for reasons but whenever someone mentions it at any event, my inner self collapses into millions of pieces which take a long time to solve back again.
They think defending Kosovo is fu¢k!ng nonsense. All that you can hear on the news these days is all about more and more people recognising it as an independent country and my people giving it up easier than their own words. I am not like they think I am.

...

That very afternoon I laid in my bed for hours. I turned towards the wall, thinking, just sometimes letting a tear slide down my cheek silently. No one seemed to notice that I wasn't in the living room with all the others. I thought I liked it that way. I finally had the peace I was miserable about with no one telling me how I suck all the time. I thought... However, I felt like I nedded to talk to someone about this and let it out to someone who I trust. The only person I knew I could talk to about things like this was my older brother and my best friend Russia, who I was so far away it seemed like an endless long way distancing us forever. I didn't feel connection with anyone else.
I felt like staying closed up forever...I knew that the only remaining person I could reach out to was myself. Now, what idiot would cry to himself? Not me. So I continued to stay alone in my bed, closed up, just like I wanted.

Time has passed by and I was still there where I was the whole afternoon. It was 7PM when I heard a knock on my bedroom door. It was no one else but Croatia. I recognised her voice as she shouted to someone from the living room behind the still closed door mentioning to me unfamiliar things. After she ended her conversation she knocked once again as I realised I was busy listening to her speak and still haven't given her a permission to enter. I didn't want her or anyone else around, so I decided to keep silent.
,,Serbia, the dinner's ready", she called out to me leaning her head to the door so that she could hear my response better.
I wanted to tell her to fu¢k off but I just didn't... I felt too tired to mock anyone at the moment. She took my ,,response" as a compliment as she knew that I was no where else but here and entered right away.
,,Can you leave me alone, please," I said annoyed by her just being in the room before she could say anything.
,,But, you've been locked up here all day", she continued.
,,I need some peace", I said signing her to leave the room. I don't know why I did that. I knew that for an unknown reason I really wanted her to stay.
,,I- I'll get you some food. I'll be right back", she said as she walked away, but this time more worriedly.

I soon realized that I can't be laying here for the whole day. I got up and stretched my legs. I went downstairs still not completely ready to be infront of many people. Everyone was sitting by the table.
,,Lets raise a toast to the best, the most hard working cook in this world, our not-so beloved friend Bosnia", they joked around as they all raised their glasses and drank some red wine, proudly.
,,You're here", Croatia said as she turned to me with a plate full of food in her hand, ,,sit".
She put the plate on the table in front of an empty chair reserved for me.
,,Thanks", I said looking at the ground making my way to the table. I sat in silence.

I finished early and put my plate in the sink as I ran upstairs running away from everyone, again.
No one said anything. I felt the same as I did at the very start.

...

It was 3AM. Everyone was sleeping in their rooms. I stepped out of my room for the first time in a few hours and immediately went to the balcony to get some fresh air. I sneaked a lighter and a pack of cigarettes with me so that no one gets bothered by it.
Finally, I sat on a long wooden chair I sometimes liked to sleep on. Leaning in it and looking at the night sky made me feel a kind of guild in my chest and think about everything I've done in my life... It made me remember so many war crimes I got accused of and ones I really was guilty of... So many bad memories made me let out a cry I haven't before. One by one, tears kept sliding down my cheeks falling down further staining my clothes to the point where I realised someone could hear me...
I lightened my second cigarette by then. It was a difficult time for me.

Just then someone joined me uninvited.

,,Its you again", I said looking away far in the nature that was surrounding us. I'd do anything at the moment just to cover up my tears.

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This chapter is not finished yet And I am really tired right now, so I will make sure to finish it tomorrow. Thank you for your time and for reading this mess I really appreciate it<3
I have to go now, See you tomorrow:)

February 25th, 2023.