jokes collection :) 3

jokes 4

i have used in advance an incorrect quotes generator to create most of these; please forgive my zoomer brain that is absolutely done with manually searching these up

mechanic: There are seven chairs and ten kids. What do you do?

hamburgZ: Have everyone stand.

omi: Bring three more chairs!

jimothy: The most important ones can sit down.

bean: Kill three.

—--

omi: Why isn't the statue smirking at me?

mechanic: It isn't smirking at anyone, they're all just imagining it.

hamburgZ: Three of us saw it, mechanic. How do you explain that?

mechanic: *points at bean* Sleep deprivation. *points at hamburgZ* Paranoia. *points at jimothy* Delusional personality disorder.

—--

TurtleKnight: Nothing in life is free.

cart: Love is free!

chatnoob2: Adventure is free.

bean: Knowledge is free.

saltyNate: Everything is free if you take it without paying.

—--

cart: You're a loose cannon, chatnoob2.

chatnoob2: No, I'm not. I'm a cannon maybe, but a loose cannon? Is that what you think of me?

saltyNate: I think you play by your own rules.

chatnoob2: No way, they think rules were made to be broken.

TurtleKnight: Those are all attributes of a loose cannon.

chatnoob2: No, I'm just a reckless renegade. bean is a loose cannon.

bean: *smashes a chair*

—--

TurtleKnight: In my defense, I was left unsupervised.

bean: Wasn't chatnoob2 with you?

chatnoob2: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.

—--

*The group is getting into the car*

TurtleKnight: I'm driving.

bean, out of view: Shotgun!

chatnoob2, turning to face bean: Aww! But you had it on the way here-

Everyone except bean: WOAH-

bean, holding a shotgun: No! I found a shotgun! And I want the front seat! *Pumps gun*

—--

cart: We need a distraction.

TurtleKnight: Is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making weird noises?

saltyNate, whispering: My time has come

—--

hamburgZ: I'm sick and tired of being called 'mortal' like, you don't know that. Neither do I. I have never died even ONCE. Nothing has been proven yet. Stop making assumptions. It's rude.

—--

chatnoob2: I'd like to offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals.

—--

hamburgZ: You're right.

jimothy: That's... That's an unusual phrase for you. Did you just learn it?

—--

saltyNate: chatnoob2 was banned from the chicken shack, so we had to go out of town to get some.

chatnoob2: Well, they shouldn't say "all you can eat" if they don't mean it.

saltyNate: chatnoob2, you ate a chair.

—--

saltyNate: Everytime I hear someone talking about updog, I'm torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke.

cart: Okay, but what is updog?

TurtleKnight: Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard, onions, and/or relish.

Mechanic: Not, that's a hot dog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released.

jimothy: No, that's an update. You're thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden.

hamburgZ: Surely, that's Uppsala, where's updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter.

saltyNate: That's Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs.

Mechanic: You're thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current.

TurtleKnight: No, that's an updraft. An updog is the modern version of a henway.

cart: What's a henway??

saltyNate: Oh, about five pounds.

—--

*The squad right before cart's wedding*

bean: Well I have to go, I have a wedding to attend.

Mechanic: Wait... Oh! I have a wedding to attend too!

chatnoob2: Oh, I have a wedding to attend as well

saltyNate: I THINK WE ALL HAVE WEDDINGS TO ATTEND

TurtleKnight, panicked: I THINK I HAVE A WEDDING TO OFFICIATE

-----

did you enjoy my zoomer version of a jokes collection

using the generator will probably yield longer chapters for the next bit (or until i can find another reliable incorrect quotes generator) so enjoy this lovely aberration while it lasts.

some twisty mind-pretzel lore coming up next chapter, if that's not your thing you can skip it.